3 Self Loving Steps To Gracefully Navigate Emotional Storms- Day 361: 365 Radical Self Love Project

There is a general vibe floating through the air these days in the RSL community.

Stories of breakups, heartache and intense emotional upheaval seem to be subtly crossing my path lately. I sure have been through my fare share of all of these this past year and a half I wanted to shed some inspired light on navigating this tender territory from a place of self love.

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3 Self Loving Steps To Gracefully Navigate Emotional Storms

1. Give yourself permission to be feeling what you are feeling.

It’s actually ok to be experiencing whatever you are. Happy, sad, upset, angry- whatever has made it’s presence known in your experience, is there for a reason. If we avoid, deny or try to stuff down this “stuff” it just builds more momentum and comes bursting out uncontrollably at a later date. Giving ourselves permission to be is one of the most freeing things we can ever do for our healing, growth and spiritual evolution.

A wonderful RSL mantra: “I give myself permission to be human and experience all emotions knowing each serves a divine and perfect purpose.”

2. Come into full acceptance of your emotions when they arise.

A really magical thing happens when we come into acceptance- diffusion. When we give ourselves permission (step 1) then accept the emotional experience we are having as its happening- the duration of the upset is significantly reduced. Now all emotional upheavals and storms will be unique and some may last longer than others and that’s totally ok. The point is to remind yourself it is perfectly ok to be experiencing what you are.

A really great RSL mantra I use when emotions arise is this: “At this present moment I am having an experience of (I then identify the experience as best I can- anger, jealousy, sadness, loneliness- whatever it is give it a name), it is ok that I am having this experience as having it means I am growing and expanding who I am, I accept this experience and trust I will receive the value of what it is here to teach me.” Then…

3. Allow, allow, allow.

Your emotions need an avenue to clear themselves, period. It is at this stage where you also encounter the divine assignment of practicing personal responsibility. Just because you’re having an emotional storm doesn’t mean everyone around you needs to be pulled into the emotional hurricane too. Find responsible and respectful (to yourself and others) outlets to allow the emotion to pass. Like all storms it will and the more you resist it the longer and more intense it will get.

If I am in a situation where the clearing will negatively impact another I make a promise and pact with myself to allow the emotion passage to happen at a specific time and place in the very near future- then keep my word to myself. If I am in a space where no one will be negatively impacted I just allow the clearing to happen in the moment. To consciously make this distinction will require self awareness and self loving discipline, which in all honesty just takes a bit of practice to polish.

Some of the things I do to allow the clearing:
  • Crying (I’m a Cancer and this is the most effective method for me)
  • High intensity exercise
  • Screaming into a pillow
  • Punching a pillow or punching bag
  • Lions breath
  • Real talk journalling
  • Verbal clearing (done only in a professional context with a coach)
  • And my ultimate fav, because it inevitably cracks me up is: stomping around and over dramatizing- think 2 year old temper tantrum 😉

All of these prove to be quite effective and in my allowing of the emotion to pass through, without additional internal judgement (“Oh I shouldn’t do this, I shouldn’t be feeling this”) I am able to return to a state of clarity and calmness relatively quickly- in the grand scheme of things.

Part of the Radical Self Love journey is learning how to be ok with all  aspects of your human experience. Learning how to bless these types of “negative” experiences and extract the gold always lying deep within, has certainly been one of the most fulfilling aspects of my Radical Self Love journey to date.

Give yourself permission, own the experience, allow the storm to fill you up and then allow it to pass on through. What you will begin to notice, with regular practice is, the duration and intensity of each emotional upheaval lightens as you become stronger in your application of these three graceful steps.

When we spend less time, energy and emotion in the stormy storms we free ourselves up to play and radiate in the blissful moments and experiences our lives are meant to bring.

Where ever you are is perfect, what ever you’re feeling is perfect, you are perfect just as you are. Remember that.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

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What Hyper Criticalness Taught Me About Body Image And Radical Self Love Day 57: 365 RSL Project

So last night I had a full on meltdown.

Yup it happened. Within a couple hours of me posting the blog and admitting that when I am on the verge of something big my ego usually pulls out all the stops to keep me operating in the usual familiar ‘safe’ manor, I had an emotional breakdown.

Well it would appear I am on the verge of a breakthrough with my body image cause the ego has been rallying up quite a lil shit storm lately.

I_love_my_bodyAs I mentioned a few weeks ago my relationship to my body has always fluctuated. I have observed a new pattern inside of my body image relationship. I compare. I’ve caught my ego in a mess of comparison lately and behaving this way has completely distorted my perception of myself and my body.

 

The wonderful part of the Radical Self Love journey is that my awareness is attuned to observe these patterns of behaviour and bring them up for transformation.

I logically and rationally know that comparison is the thief of joy and I am pretty good a noting when I am comparing in almost all areas of my life. When I do notice it I generally catch it, reframe it and let it go. The one area that still trips me up, in all honesty, is body image.

Inside of my breakdown last night one thing became very clear. The physical actions I take (exercise and eating healthy) really make minimal difference if my internal dialogue is abrasive and down right mean. Meaning the physical state of my body is a manifestation of the internal state of my mind and thoughts about myself. Everything is a mirror.

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One of my strong suits is my attention to detail and the value I place on high standards and high quality. While this serves me well in most areas there is a flip side to it. When I use attention to detail to place unreasonable expectations on myself and become incredible critical about my appearance.

When my partner and I dove into this conversation last night we were able to get to the root of my body image issue which is that I’m hyper critical of myself. I’m almost constantly comparing my body to my perception of other women and placing completely absurd expectations on how my body is supposed to look all the time. I am really hard on myself for the way I look compared to the way I think I should look and most importantly I do not speak in a kind and loving way towards myself when I get caught in the trap of the ego and comparison.

935850_600609979962295_1137674081_nThe reason I am sharing this with you all today is simple. When things are out in the open I can no longer ‘get away’ with running these patterns of behaviour and self sabotage. I love how my body feels when my thoughts and emotions are in harmony with feeling good, being appreciative and loving towards the way I look. Any time I am able to do that something shifts in the physiology of my body. My eyes are brighter, my skin glows, my body looks and feels more toned. There is an energy I emit when I am in alignment with my true essence and practicing a positive relationship with my body and the image I hold about myself.

Today I got to practice this moment to moment, one step at a time. I gave my word to myself this morning to see the beauty in my body and to do things that were aligned with maintaining the positive self perception. How did my day go? Pretty well.

First to shift my energy in a big time way I focused on something greater than myself, being of service. To do this I rocked a clearing meditation and then invested in a 3 hr Radical Self Love coaching session with a client. Our session took us into a full day adventure of eating clean, hot yoga, green smoothies, green juice and lots and lots of love. I ended the day with an amazing follow up conversation with my partner, who held the space of compassion, understanding and unconditional love.

It’s a start and tomorrow when I wake up I am going to choose to be loving towards my self and my body. I will continue to wake up day after day and make this conscious choice and commitment until the new perception totally sinks in. However long it takes, I’m willing to do it. After all, I am worth it 😉

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Radical Self Love to the MAX!!

Kels