So last night I had a full on meltdown.
Yup it happened. Within a couple hours of me posting the blog and admitting that when I am on the verge of something big my ego usually pulls out all the stops to keep me operating in the usual familiar ‘safe’ manor, I had an emotional breakdown.
Well it would appear I am on the verge of a breakthrough with my body image cause the ego has been rallying up quite a lil shit storm lately.
As I mentioned a few weeks ago my relationship to my body has always fluctuated. I have observed a new pattern inside of my body image relationship. I compare. I’ve caught my ego in a mess of comparison lately and behaving this way has completely distorted my perception of myself and my body.
The wonderful part of the Radical Self Love journey is that my awareness is attuned to observe these patterns of behaviour and bring them up for transformation.
I logically and rationally know that comparison is the thief of joy and I am pretty good a noting when I am comparing in almost all areas of my life. When I do notice it I generally catch it, reframe it and let it go. The one area that still trips me up, in all honesty, is body image.
Inside of my breakdown last night one thing became very clear. The physical actions I take (exercise and eating healthy) really make minimal difference if my internal dialogue is abrasive and down right mean. Meaning the physical state of my body is a manifestation of the internal state of my mind and thoughts about myself. Everything is a mirror.
One of my strong suits is my attention to detail and the value I place on high standards and high quality. While this serves me well in most areas there is a flip side to it. When I use attention to detail to place unreasonable expectations on myself and become incredible critical about my appearance.
When my partner and I dove into this conversation last night we were able to get to the root of my body image issue which is that I’m hyper critical of myself. I’m almost constantly comparing my body to my perception of other women and placing completely absurd expectations on how my body is supposed to look all the time. I am really hard on myself for the way I look compared to the way I think I should look and most importantly I do not speak in a kind and loving way towards myself when I get caught in the trap of the ego and comparison.
The reason I am sharing this with you all today is simple. When things are out in the open I can no longer ‘get away’ with running these patterns of behaviour and self sabotage. I love how my body feels when my thoughts and emotions are in harmony with feeling good, being appreciative and loving towards the way I look. Any time I am able to do that something shifts in the physiology of my body. My eyes are brighter, my skin glows, my body looks and feels more toned. There is an energy I emit when I am in alignment with my true essence and practicing a positive relationship with my body and the image I hold about myself.
Today I got to practice this moment to moment, one step at a time. I gave my word to myself this morning to see the beauty in my body and to do things that were aligned with maintaining the positive self perception. How did my day go? Pretty well.
First to shift my energy in a big time way I focused on something greater than myself, being of service. To do this I rocked a clearing meditation and then invested in a 3 hr Radical Self Love coaching session with a client. Our session took us into a full day adventure of eating clean, hot yoga, green smoothies, green juice and lots and lots of love. I ended the day with an amazing follow up conversation with my partner, who held the space of compassion, understanding and unconditional love.
It’s a start and tomorrow when I wake up I am going to choose to be loving towards my self and my body. I will continue to wake up day after day and make this conscious choice and commitment until the new perception totally sinks in. However long it takes, I’m willing to do it. After all, I am worth it 😉
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!