What Hyper Criticalness Taught Me About Body Image And Radical Self Love Day 57: 365 RSL Project

So last night I had a full on meltdown.

Yup it happened. Within a couple hours of me posting the blog and admitting that when I am on the verge of something big my ego usually pulls out all the stops to keep me operating in the usual familiar ‘safe’ manor, I had an emotional breakdown.

Well it would appear I am on the verge of a breakthrough with my body image cause the ego has been rallying up quite a lil shit storm lately.

I_love_my_bodyAs I mentioned a few weeks ago my relationship to my body has always fluctuated. I have observed a new pattern inside of my body image relationship. I compare. I’ve caught my ego in a mess of comparison lately and behaving this way has completely distorted my perception of myself and my body.

 

The wonderful part of the Radical Self Love journey is that my awareness is attuned to observe these patterns of behaviour and bring them up for transformation.

I logically and rationally know that comparison is the thief of joy and I am pretty good a noting when I am comparing in almost all areas of my life. When I do notice it I generally catch it, reframe it and let it go. The one area that still trips me up, in all honesty, is body image.

Inside of my breakdown last night one thing became very clear. The physical actions I take (exercise and eating healthy) really make minimal difference if my internal dialogue is abrasive and down right mean. Meaning the physical state of my body is a manifestation of the internal state of my mind and thoughts about myself. Everything is a mirror.

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One of my strong suits is my attention to detail and the value I place on high standards and high quality. While this serves me well in most areas there is a flip side to it. When I use attention to detail to place unreasonable expectations on myself and become incredible critical about my appearance.

When my partner and I dove into this conversation last night we were able to get to the root of my body image issue which is that I’m hyper critical of myself. I’m almost constantly comparing my body to my perception of other women and placing completely absurd expectations on how my body is supposed to look all the time. I am really hard on myself for the way I look compared to the way I think I should look and most importantly I do not speak in a kind and loving way towards myself when I get caught in the trap of the ego and comparison.

935850_600609979962295_1137674081_nThe reason I am sharing this with you all today is simple. When things are out in the open I can no longer ‘get away’ with running these patterns of behaviour and self sabotage. I love how my body feels when my thoughts and emotions are in harmony with feeling good, being appreciative and loving towards the way I look. Any time I am able to do that something shifts in the physiology of my body. My eyes are brighter, my skin glows, my body looks and feels more toned. There is an energy I emit when I am in alignment with my true essence and practicing a positive relationship with my body and the image I hold about myself.

Today I got to practice this moment to moment, one step at a time. I gave my word to myself this morning to see the beauty in my body and to do things that were aligned with maintaining the positive self perception. How did my day go? Pretty well.

First to shift my energy in a big time way I focused on something greater than myself, being of service. To do this I rocked a clearing meditation and then invested in a 3 hr Radical Self Love coaching session with a client. Our session took us into a full day adventure of eating clean, hot yoga, green smoothies, green juice and lots and lots of love. I ended the day with an amazing follow up conversation with my partner, who held the space of compassion, understanding and unconditional love.

It’s a start and tomorrow when I wake up I am going to choose to be loving towards my self and my body. I will continue to wake up day after day and make this conscious choice and commitment until the new perception totally sinks in. However long it takes, I’m willing to do it. After all, I am worth it 😉

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Radical Self Love to the MAX!!

Kels

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My Journey Towards a Healthier & More Positive Relationship to Food Day 45: 365 RSL Project

A huge part of my Radical Self Love journey has involved the incorporation of high vibrational and healthy foods.

I have learned what I put into my body has a direct correlation to what I get out of my body (and mind) and knowing this  has truly helped me develop a more positive self image and enables me to make more aligned and healthy choices when it comes to fuelling my vessel.

Food hasn’t always been an such a positive experience for me. For years I struggled with body image and having a pretty dysfunctional relationship to food. The youngest memory I have of this negative self image was when I was in 4th grade and thought I was fat. From there I created years and years of challenge and struggle with food.

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In my early 20’s after my main party phase had come to an end something inside of me urged me to make some pretty serious life changes. I left a dysfunctional relationship, went back to school, completed my degree and began to learn about health and fitness. From there I was able to (with years of dedication and focus) to shift my habits with food, thus significantly changing my physical body.

When my physical body was in the most optimal shape I had ever been in I was urged again by this little voice/guidance system within to go to the next level. This meant going inward into the patterns of my mind and really starting the journey of self awareness, personal growth and development. It was in this learning where I began to see that the ongoing negative self talk I had really made me feel shitty, and when I felt shitty I would just eat foods that mirrored my internal state of crappy feelings. Food was an emotional escape from having to really get real with how I was talking to myself and treating myself on the inside.

As I developed a more loving and positive relationship to myself my food choices naturally shifted. No extreme diets, no crazy exercise plans. It came down to this question:

If I really loved myself would I eat what I’m about to eat knowing the impact it will have on my state of mind and my body?

When I checked in with myself if the food choice was going to benefit my growth and leave me honestly feeling better (physically, emotionally, spiritually) then I would do it. If any of those three weren’t met I would make a different choice which allowed me to stay on the path of feeling good.

This doesn’t mean that I never ate junk food again (I love chips and there is a good chance I always will). All this meant was I no longer was eating to avoid feeling the emotions I was experiencing. It meant that if I did want to eat some chips I would and I would feel happy and empowered about it. It also usually meant I would eat less of the crappy foods and eat more of the high vibin foods that left me feeling lighter and brighter.

imagesThere are days when it still surfaces and I really am challenged with viewing my body through a positive and empowered lens. When these moments arise I acknowledge them, I thank them for being and I revoke their invitation to stay and take over my experience. I have new coping mechanisms such as yoga and juicing which help nourish me on every level even when shit hits the fan.

This new perspective also birthed something I never imagined- A passion for cooking and creating beauty with food.  For the past 8.5 years I have immersed myself with learning new techniques, new cultures and mastering my ability to positively cook with intention. All the food I now make, I ensure I am vibin in a state of love and gratitude BEFORE I ever being the process of creation. I allow my skill of attention to detail, my values of high quality and my desire to make sure people are really taken care of to shape the experience of food creation.

Tonight I was blessed with the opportunity to do something I honestly love and prepare food for those I love. I rocked a beautiful summer salad with the best ingredient I know ~ LOVE 😉photo

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

p.s. I’ll post the recipe for the salad on the FB page tomorrow! Check it out if you wanna re-create your own version of this beauty!