It is an act of love for me to say no.
This is one of my all time favourite Radical Self Love mantras I have.
We have grown up in a culture which has conditioned us on many levels to fear saying and claiming what we want.
Part of being clear about what we want and desire also includes being clear what we don’t want. There comes a time in all of our lives when we are faced with saying no and staying true to ourselves.
How to deal with the guilt that comes up when we speak our truth.
Phase One
If you are feeling like you have to explain why you are saying no, it is an indication that you have been saying no to yourself for a long time and saying yes to the world at the expense of your own true happiness. The impact of compromising in this way breaks our personal integrity. When we do things we don’t want to do we compromise our souls. We give up a piece of who we are. Doing this enough times leads to an experience of energetic fragmentation.
Energetic fragmentation is simply the scattering of our soul energy. When we give up ourselves for others energetically we give up a piece of who we are and unconsciously give the other person control over our soul energy.
Inevitably there comes a time when we become so sick of ourselves acting outside of our heart’s guidance that we WAKE UP. In this phase of awakening we become acutely aware of all the ways in which we have given ourselves up.
Phase Two
Once we are aware of the places in which we have given up ourselves we can begin the reclaiming process. We must command our spirit back. This means doing the exploration to identify the places, people and circumstances in which we have given away our power. Then we do a lil self lovin forgiveness work.
Self Loving Forgiveness
The commanding of our spirit back will require you to get radically real about where you gave yourself up and approach it from a space of empowerment. Meaning don’t fall into the ego’s trap of making yourself wrong for doing it. You did the best you could with the consciousness you had. When you know better you do better. Next one by one you are going to pull the circumstance, person or place in which we gave up our power and bless it with love.
” I am aware I unconsciously gave up my power to you. I forgive myself love myself. I forgive you and I love you. Thank you for teaching me this precious lesson. I now release you from playing this role for me and willingly command my spirit back.”
Once you repeat the forgiveness mantra sit in stillness. In this stillness you will begin to feel the experience of your soul piece returning. Some pieces come back quicker than others.
This is a fabulous practice to include into your daily RSL Routine.
We are all human and we all give up pieces of who we are along the way so we can learn to reclaim our power and become incredibly present to our divinity.
When we feel like we have to constantly justify ourselves what’s up with that?
It is a sign you have ignored your intuition for too long and your confidence has suffered a bit of a blow. Your perception of their lack of acceptance reflects your own inner insecurity with yourself and your choice. This is totally natural lovers especially for those of us, who for a very long time, didn’t speak up or share our truth.
You are building a new muscle and for the first little while you are going to feel uncomfortable. The length of time you feel uncomfortable is total under your control.
Minimizing the Discomfort
Every time you feel like you have to justify or explain your choices, remind yourself your need to speak your truth will not always include everyone’s acceptance of your truth. Some people just won’t get it. Especially if it means you are now standing up for yourself inside a relationship where you previously allowed yourself to be walked over.
Ego’s don’t like transformation and they certainly do not like self love actions.
When you are feeling like you are being challenged by someone on your belief system, remind yourself that your discomfort is a function of your ego not wanting to let go of a past, disempowering way of being. Any time we go into defence mode or justification mode we have activated our own ego’s.
Not everyone is going to like what you have to say when you start speaking your truth and darlings that is totally ok. One of two magical things will happen the more consistent and confident you become at speaking your truth:
1. People will really not be ok with your new confident and self lovin ways and it will become incredibly obvious through they’re behaviour that they are no longer be in vibrational harmony with you. Meaning you will start to attract people who are more on your wavelength who understand and respect where you are coming from.
OR
2. The more self assured you become the more your community will naturally acclimatize to your authenticity. They may need a little time to get used to it, but they will indeed get used to it and then come to know you as someone who now unapologetically speaks their truth – which is a pretty rad thing.
Basically the process of you sticking with it, even when it’s tough in the beginning, will reveal to you your honest and true friends, family and soul tribe.
How to increase the confidence when it comes to speaking your truth
Feeling confident about ourselves goes hand in hand with speaking our truth. So to enhance our success and our feeling of acceptance both internally and externally we must also develop our confidence and give ourselves mega acknowledgment.
The 30 Day Radical Self Love Program is designed for this exact transformation and inner development work. And if you haven’t scooped up your program yet try these on in the mean time:
1. Do more of what you are naturally good at.
When we put ourselves into situations where we will naturally shine our confidence gets a massive boosting. We all have a couple things we know we are just rockstars at, give yourself permission to do more of those things and make it a regular daily occurrence.
2. Walk through life with an engaged core.
Yup I’m talking about flexing those tummy muscles. When we activate our core we hold ourselves higher AND on an energetic level we activate our solar plexus which is our storage unit for confidence, self assuredness and self love. Practice tightening your core any time you are walking or sitting. If you really wanna take it up a couple notches add a plank exercise into your daily routine. Holding plank pose is a fabulous way to develop those muscles, activate the core, tone everything up and activate the yummy self confidence waiting to be set free in your solar plexus.
3. Give yourself some credit.
We are often so focused on where we are lacking that we deplete our self confidence and self love tank without even noticing what we are doing. Giving gratitude and acknowledgement to yourself for all the greatness you are up to helps strengthen our confidence in a massive way. When we are thriving in positivity land we can HEAR the voice of our intuition clearly. When we can hear our intuition it is much easier to act on it’s guidance. To act on the intuition’s guidance is to act in our own integrity.
4. Remember this is a process.
We can be so hard on ourselves when we don’t see immediate results when it comes to shifts in our personal development. Remember this is much like training at the gym. You won’t see results right away after a workout, but with consistency and repetition you will one day look in the mirror and be blown away with the epic results you have achieved. The same goes for our self love and inner journeys. It will take time. Be patient and loving and enjoy flowing with the journey of your own awakening.
The more you begin to get comfortable with saying no to things that are really a no and yes to things that are really a yes your quality of life quickly begins to skyrocket. You have every right to thrive, be happy and live a life that honours your internal knowing.
No two people will have the same life experience so it is up to you to claim what works for you and what doesn’t coming from a place of respect, kindness, love and peace.
People will do what they do and say what they say and in the end none of it has anything to do with you.
Keep rockin your truth lovers! xo
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!
Kels
For all those ready to ROCK your 30 Day Radical Self Love Journey sign up here to get started: www.kelseygrant.com/30dayprogram
The Radical Self Love Project 