Today was Day 1 of my 21 day yoga challenge.
My intention for the next 20 days is to expand into greater levels of inner freedom and self expression. Yoga every day will certainly be a part of that. It will become my daily discipline.
I’ve never done a yoga challenge like this before and I’m excited and a little bit confronted to tell the truth. Showing up to my mat/the studio every day will require a levelling up in my day planning and my week planning. I know I can do it and make it all flow beautifully and I am looking forward to getting to know myself as the person who can accomplish a milestone this significant.
Additional to my daily discipline of yoga I am choosing to actively engage in activities and exercises to expand my sense of inner freedom and happiness.
Today that meant getting in touch with some deep layers of myself I had never given myself permission to explore.
I got related to my rage, to my inner anger.
All my life I have supressed, stuffed and avoided really exploring my anger. By doing so it is this dark side of me that at times takes over and reaks havoc on beautiful areas of my life. I knew I had to take a look at it. The time had come.
This year has been a wild journey of healing, forgiveness and expanding into love.
But lately I’ve been feeling stopped and I knew it was because of this little rage monster inside that I had never allowed any type of conscious expression or release.
A few nights ago my partner held space for me to begin this process. I do an exercise with all of my clients in which I hold space for them to “clear out all the shit inside they are thinking and feeling”. He gave me the gift I have given to so many.
The experience was harsh, brutal, confronting.
I was mean, vicious, ruthless.
I felt anger, sadness, rage and pain.
And then it was out. The storm passed. The light returned and I for the first time could breathe into those dark spaces that had been holding so much space and energy, and fill them with love.
I will be forever grateful to my partner for the courage it took for him to hold this space, to hear what I was saying about him, our relationship and all the shit that had gone down between us last year. I know it wasn’t easy. But in that moment I saw him more clearly than I ever have. The another layer of the armour around my heart had dissolved and I received the gift of a deeper soul love connection.
He then guided me to a secondary part of the clearing- writing the letter to the other woman. All the things I wish I could have said or had the chance to day. All the judgements, rage, hatred and anger I had been storing in myself this last year- I was to write it all to the best of my abilities- and set myself free.
So I did just that.
Healing the Rage Within
I lit a gratitude candle, so that the light in my heart could remain active as I plunged to the depths of my shadow, I grabbed a lot of paper, sat down and wrote, and wrote and wrote. I kept writing until I was exsausted, until there was nothing left to say. I set the darkness within free. I gave it a stage and a space to be acknowledged and expressed. Then I burnt every page I wrote. One by one and watched the crisp wind of the evening carry the release away. Then I came back inside, lit some cleansing insense and sat down with my crystals and meditated.
I called in the light. I called in love to fill those spaces that were once filled with fear, hartred and rage. I did a forgiveness meditation and sent blessings her way and then I allowed my creative connection to be re-established. I sent my partner one of the most raw and real expressions of love and gratitude post meditation and I felt the new chapter open.
The beginnings of a beautiful new chapter
I am excited about these next 20 days- whatever they hold. I know I will be called to do more release and after the safety of these two clearings I have every faith that whatever I am called to clear I am capable and responsible to address it, feel it and release it in a way that will bring me into greater alignment where I can soar in the freedom of my truth.
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!