I love Thursdays
Thursdays are my coaching days. They kick off with my amazing coaching session with my coach and then I rock client sessions throughout the day.
Why I have a coach
What makes me an effective coach, leader and facilitator is my willingness to be coached and teachable. I know enough to know I don’t know everything. I am like anyone else who signs up for coaching. I have a life that sometimes gets lifey. I experience contrast, breakdowns and challenges. I am effective at what I do because I allow myself the space to work through my stuff and clear my shit in respectful and constructive ways.
My coach reminded me of three very valuable lessons today:
1. There are some people who by nature seek drama and it is not a life requirement to get pulled into their shit-storm.
2. Conflict can only arise when there is a lack of clarity.
3. When dealing with conflict, breakdown and emotions there is always room for possibility and the opportunity of a breakthrough.
While we may write certain people off in our lives because they are challenging we must keep in mind that those people are brought into our lives for a very important reason. They are always brought into our lives to help us overcome our own limitations and internal conflict. While they may present this opportunity it is important to note it is not required to keep them in our lives. Sometimes we just have to bless people, wish them the best and set them free.
What we see in others means nothing about them and everything about us.
Our model of the world is based on our own personal life experience. No two people experience life the same and there for no two people will share the same perspectives and interpretations of life’s events. What occurs to one person as peaceful occurs to another as an attack and it is all rooted in our perceptions of the world. Some people just have a lens of drama. They unconsciously seek it and perpetuate it.
We either believe we live in a hostile universe where everyone and everything is out to “get” us or we believe we live in a kind and loving Universe where everyone and everything exists to help us grow, understand and come more into alignment with our truth. When we believe the world is out to get us we act in such a way to ensure we are “right” about it. Meaning we leave a lot of grey room in our communication, in our actions and in our behaviour. Lack of clarity is the ideal breeding grounds for conflict. This is why clear agreements and the management of details plays such a vital role in our ability to thrive and experience possibility.
Clarity is the foundation in which possibility is built on.
When we have a solid foundation we minimize the opportunity and space for breakdowns with each other. However when breakdowns do occur, and they do for all of us. What there is to understand is we all have the opportunity to handle them in a respectful and constructive manor. One of the foundational pieces of coming into harmonious resolutions is this: before launching into coaching mode or giving feedback mode create the space for possibility and have their agreement.
This means setting the conversation or context up in such a way where you allow the other person to freely choose what is best for them at this point in time. Most people just spew their breakdown, go on the attack and then wonder why the person on the other end is not receptive.
What we can do to shift this is simply ask permission.
Get their buy in. When you have something you need to share, before you share, ask them if they are open and willing to hear what you have to say right now and have the conversation. This one simple step sets you both up to win.
It ensures you will only have the conversation when both parties are open, willing and receptive to feedback. Until that happens we leave the space for more upset, more conflict and no resolution.
It certainly takes courage and a higher level of self awareness to operate this way- and it is totally worth it. Communication that is clear, honest and constructive is always the way to go. When you respect another by allowing them the space to choose when is the best/most optimal time to have the convo you are already on the path to success.
Harmony in breakdowns comes from a willingness to see things differently. Willingness to forgive. Willingness to learn. Willingness to grow and most importantly willingness to love.
Choose love lovers- it just feels better 😉
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!