How The “Other Woman” Helped Me Find Freedom and Happiness- Day 346: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Finding Freedom in the shadows

radical self love kelsey grantWe all have that side of ourselves we would rather keep hidden. Some call it a shadow, some call it an ego, some call it our darkness.

Whatever the name, we all have it. The elements of our personality with less than positive intentions. It is when we are living through our shadow we have a higher tendency to get triggered. Triggered by another person, circumstances in life and scenarios we are faced with.

Your shadow is one of the greatest access points to your highest potential if you allow this unfolding to take place. Embracing the lessons the shadow leads us towards, encourages the harnessing of energy and activation of our awareness for the highest good and potential for all involved.

What you can’t be with about another, leads you towards a deeper awareness of yourself.

Everything we can’t be with, everything we reject, resist or flat out dislike about someone or something outside of ourselves will always lead us to a greater understanding to what is going on inside ourselves on a deep deep level.

We can only identify that which exists already inside us and we are only activated or triggered by anything outside of ourselves, when an aspect of our own experience we have rejected and can’t be with- is still lying dormant in our unconscious.

How the “other woman” was key for my self awareness and deep deep healing.

There are a lot of things I could say about the woman with whom my partner broke our relationship agreement with and the only thing worth sharing is the truth.

It was really easy for me to hate her. It was really easy for me to be angry at her. It was really easy for me to make her wrong for everything. It was really easy for me to find fault in everything she did and everything she continues to do.

What wasn’t easy was coming to terms with one of my greatest spiritual lessons: Everything I despised about her, were actually elements of myself I had left unhealed and unattended. What a massive wake up call.

radical self love kelsey grant

My healing massively expanded when I started to use her reflection or more accurately my perception of her, for my own self discovery. Everything I couldn’t stand about her I took very close notice of- because it was actually mirroring what I couldn’t be with about myself.

I had to come to terms with the fact I had done the very same things I perceived she did- earlier in my life. I had repeated these disempowered behaviours multiple times during my life and I was still harbouring resentment and regret about it. I was withholding forgiveness towards myself.

Forgiving My Past

In my early 20’s I pursued men who were unavailable, men who were dating other people and I made it my game to manipulate them out of their relationships. In some shadowy twisted way when I “won” them away from their partners I made it mean I was enough, I was obviously a real catch and my bruised self worth was validated.

I would maintain friendships with men in relationships that were a little too close to respect the terms of their relationship agreements. I played the really good friend who was always there to listen to the relationship problems then eagerly offered my “advice”- advice to benefit me and my ego’s desires. I gave very little if any consideration to the woman in the relationship with the person I was scoping. She didn’t matter to me. I turned my back on my sisters.

I manipulated.
I meddled.
I flirted.
I seduced.
I made my ‘needs’ more important than the other hearts involved.
I broke trust.
I was dishonest.
My only intention was to get what I wanted at whatever cost.

Then I woke up.

Something in me shifted and I wanted more from myself and for my life. I wanted to learn what it meant to live in integrity. I wanted to learn what it meant to live on purpose. I knew enough back then that I would have to stop behaving this way to have the relationship and life I was deeply desiring. What I didn’t have access to was the essential healing ingredients- compassion and forgiveness.

Moving to Vancouver began a 5 year journey of understanding and developing my capacity for compassion and forgiveness. I practiced living on purpose and creating relationships in alignment and in integrity. When my partner and the other woman did what they did, it activated all of the unhealed wounds of my past. The shadow of my past behaviour was still unforgiven and reeking havoc on my present capacity for happiness. I was still living with the heavy heavy  impact of my past unconscious life.

Usher in the compassion

radical self love kelsey grantIt was through her, I was given an opportunity to identify all the suppressed junk I had been holding onto. The mirror of her behaviour also enabled me to wrap my past actions in compassion and love and set myself free- something I had not yet been capable of doing.

During this year long process of healing I’ve had to remind myself time and time again nothing I perceive about someone else is ever about them- it’s about me.

 

Through her, my awareness was directed to all the shadow wounds deeply buried within my unconscious mind. This situation happened at the exact point in time that I was capable of handling it. All of my “stuff” came up for review when it did was because I was in a place in my development and soul journey where I had the awareness and tools to move forward effectively.

This year I proved to myself how capable and willing I am at embracing my wounds, healing my perceptions and setting myself free.

We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. We all have done things we wish we could have done differently. If we hold onto them and make ourselves wrong until we leave this planet, we rob ourselves of the genuine happiness and possibility our lives hold.

When we learn from our behaviour and make conscious changes to become more respectful, more aware, more compassionate, more kind, more on purpose, more aligned with integrity and more loving- we have learned what that experience was meant to teach us. Then we can set it free. We keep the wisdom of the lesson and release the pain.

Making yourself wrong and others wrong until the end of time does no one any good. In fact it robs the world of your brilliance. This brilliance explodes into the world in the vehicle called your vibrance. Your vibrance is enhanced when you are happy, when you have released the weight of your “mistakes” and forgiven people who made their own mistakes. When you are living on purpose your brilliance inspires the world.

radical self love kelsey grantIt hasn’t been easy doing this work and forgiving all that has happened but it sure as heck has been worth it. Without her and all that happened I wouldn’t have developed Radical Self Love, I wouldn’t have this beautiful community to share with, I wouldn’t have uncovered and activated my purpose and potential. Without her I wouldn’t have done the inner work required to be in alignment with the relationship I desired so deeply and without her I wouldn’t have the relationship I do.

After I released myself from my past what I can see is I have a lot to thank her for. My life is beautiful, amazing, aligned and abundant because of her and all that happened. To be here in this head and heart space, a year later is a pretty incredible feat. It is through this experience I now have the honour to work with women in healing their blocks to love and finding their authentic relationship alignment and that my friends freaking lights me up!!!

You and only you have the capacity to set yourself free. You deserve happiness. You are worthy of success. You are so deserving of love, freedom and happiness. Be brave and do the most challenging and rewarding work of all: looking within.

Look, see, understand and love it all.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

If you are ready to learn to love you check out our RSL 30 Day Program to get started on building the best relationship of your life- the one with YOU!

Why Challenges And Relationship Squabbles Are Really Just Soul Tests- Day 298: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Challenges are soul tests- if we choose to see them this way.

Last night right before the energies of the lunar eclipse kicked into full swing I was given a soul test. Around 8:45 I over heard a conversation my partner was having about our relationship and his recall of what had transpired.

One little phrase of what he said triggered me, and triggered me deeply.

Knowing that the eclipses are opportunities to plant new seeds of being I knew I was being handed this “gem” from the Universe to see how far I had truly progressed in the past six months. The position of the eclipse was especially significant for me and my astrological chart.

For the past six months I have been working on my relationship stuff and really going deep within to resolve the deep parts of me that I was being called to heal. This specific moon placement would call into action all of those lessons and bring them up for review in the form of a soul test.

radical self love kelsey grant

To achieve a result you have never had you must do something you have never done

So in knowing this I did something different. I noticed my reaction and instead of sitting with it and replaying it over and over in my head- completely convoluting the scenario, I went to have a shower. I knew on many levels for me water is very cleansing and standing under the shower head visualizing the heated energy within me washing off and going down the drain is often highly effective for me. In this particular instance it did help me reground and return to the present moment- that was until I saw my partner.

As soon as I saw him the trigger was activated almost immediately and I knew there were more tests just on the horizon. I knew I had to be honest and clear with him what was going on. So I shared. At first it was pretty calm, but as we continued to talk and communication became more misunderstood I exploded.

Yup I had a full on ego-blow out. I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t formulate sentences, I was overcome with intense feelings of rage and so instead of entering into world war 3 with my partner I let myself be guided to do something different.

I walked away from the conversation and told him I was going to meditate.

I grabbed my crystals (Angelite and candle quartz) and sat myself down. At this point I was trembling with upset and just made an agreement to sit with myself and my experience until it passed however long it took. I’m not exactly sure how long I sat in meditation. I sat there as tears rolled down my face- I thought that I had failed this soul test by having an ego eruption. As I sat with myself and called on my guides it became very clear to me that there was something greater going on beyond what I could currently see. As I made peace with the reality of the situation and accepted it for what it was the feeling of upset dissolved.

When I came out of meditation I picked up a book on soul lessons conveniently sitting beside me and flipped to a “random page” knowing that whatever page I landed on would be the perfect message for me to receive at that moment. I opened it to the soul lesson of: “Embrace Life’s Tests”– ummm how divinely perfect.

I read the lesson finding more and more peace with every word I read. As I completed the chapter I came into the awareness that I had actually passed the soul test. I had done something remarkably different in the face of conflict and upset. I had removed myself from the charged situation and immediately chose to invest myself into an action that would truly lead me out of where I was at.

When I returned to the living room nearly 40 minutes later something major had shifted. I apologized for my outburst, took responsibility for the fact I was triggered and then another miracle occurred. He softened, he told me he understood why it had triggered me and that next time he would be more aware of the words he was choosing to describe what had really happened. I felt understood. Then he acknowledged me for doing something different and handling the situation in a way I never had before. I felt appreciated. I felt loved.

Challenges expand our souls capacity for kindness, compassion and love

So you see friends we all have shit that hits the fan and it’s in these times of challenge/soul testing that we are given the opportunity to do something different to achieve a different result. It takes time. It takes practice. Our ego patterns are intense and deeply engrained in our behavioural patterns and it takes conscious awareness and a commitment on our part to begin to show up for ourselves differently.

Where ever you are, whatever you are facing, know you aren’t alone, know that you are capable of transcending whatever limitations are within you and that every challenge is a sign our souls are eager to grow and expand into our greatest potential. They arise so we can learn each time how to handle ourselves with more compassion, grace, kindness and love.

To you and all your delicious soul expansion ❤

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels