How Interviewing Your Partner Leads To More Love- Day 272: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Homework is an awesome thing ๐Ÿ˜‰

My assignment today in B-School was to ask my community what my 3 greatest qualities are. I sent out the question to my network and so far have received some pretty wonderful answers.

When my partner arrived home I asked him to share what he thought, his response: “Beautifully open, abundantly authentic and unconditionally loving”.ย 

Pretty freaking awesome.

Then we decided to go a little deeper and do a mini interview with each other. This was a exercise we both learned in a personal development training program that we hadn’t yet done with each other. Everything happens at the perfect time.

radical self love kelsey grant

The interview was 5 questions.

The way it is set up is that you ask questions about yourself and the other person answers to give you insight into how you occur to them, or in other words who they see you as.

He went first. Which meant I had to answer questions about him. In all honesty I was a little bit nervous, which I observed but continued on with the interview.

The answers that came out of my mouth really surprised me as they required me to go deeper than a surface conversation and to really give him access to who he is to me.

Then it was my turn. I asked the same series of questions and he got to give me access to who I am to me.

A pretty heart opening conversation to say the least.

Among my strengths:

An ability to see the unseen in people and in their lives and an ability to support people through the process of seeing their unconscious or unseen elements in a safe and loving environment.

Among my weaknesses:

Not fully believing in myself or my abilities.

Among the things I can be counted on for:

To be unconditionally loving and nurturing to those in my life.

Among the things I can never be counted on for:

To miss details of any kind.

Among the things my community collectively knows about me:

I will always see them as their greatness and lend support no matter what.

Pretty f’ing cool. So what started as a homework assignment turned into a pretty incredible conversation and opportunity to deepen our bond and really understand more fully who we really are to eachother in this partnership.

Feeling pretty loved and filled with gratitude.

What this exercise has reminded me of

That the conversations that matter ย the most in life wont always be the easiest ones to have. The deeply juicy, life changing, heart opening, vulnerability cracking, authenticity revealing conversations that call us to connect on a way more profound level will take something to start.

They will take courage

They will take bravery

They will take love

They will take vulnerability

They will take feeling your fear and resistance and stepping through it

They will take you showing up for yourself and for your life.

These real, raw and revealing conversations are what remind us of our humanity, of our connection and of our ability to live in love’s example. This goodness is possible if we choose to step up and step into the call of our hearts.

All things are possible with an open heart and the power of love.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

A Common False Belief About Self Love And The Easy Shift To Change It- Day 256: 365 Radical Self Love Project

“No one will love you if you don’t love yourself”

This is a super popular quote in the land of self love and in all honesty I believe it’s sending a message that isn’t quite making the mark.

I don’t actually believe this is true. I think it is very possible for others to love us even when we aren’t quite loving ourselves.

There is a distinction to be made though.

The distinction is this, if we are not loving ourselves we won’t be able to identify and accept the love that is ever present around us.

Radical Self Love Kelsey GrantIf our internal code is one of despair, rejection of the self, anger and any of the other tag-a-longs of the fear camp, we are unable to resonate with the energies of love. It is simply incompatible. This doesn’t mean that other people wont love us though. It means despite their efforts to show love and connect, our internal code will throw up the defences and find ways to push this love away.

 

The shift then becomes one of “How can I love myself MORE so that I can increase my ability to open, accept and receive the love and abundance that is always trying to make it’s way to me?”ย 

So the next time you hear the phrase “no one will love you unless you love yourself first” gently remind yourself that “when I love myself I am more easily able to accept, receive and identify the abundance of love always present in my life”.

Ahhhh yes. Now that sure feels better ๐Ÿ˜‰

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

3 Lessons In Love, 1 Big Lesson In Life- Day 120: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Relationships are fascinating things.

Every day I am alive I am ever in awe of the intricacies of human dynamics and the profound nature of intimate relationships.

radical self love kelsey grant

The 3 most prevalent lessons on my mind lately when it comes to love, intimacy and romantic relationships:

  • Radical Self Love Kelsey GrantNothing goes away before it teaches us what we need to know. Meaning the same cycles of behaviour will continue to arise and manifest until we “wake up” to the deeper lesson our soul is trying to get us to learn. Each time we repeat a lesson it gets more intense in the hopes we will pay attention, understand our dysfunctional behaviour, take steps to transform and move forward in a spirit of love.

 

  • radical self love kelsey grantRelationships do not cause pain or unhappiness- they simply bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already inside of us. For this reason alone relationships to me are incredibly sacred. It is in these intimate dynamics with other people that we come face to face with ourselves and what we have been deeply hiding. Most relationships don’t ever get to this state of awareness. The trap of the ego keeps both people blaming and pointing fingers at one another- which is a fabulous diversion tactic to keep us from looking within, which is where all the juiciness and answers lie. Our partners are our mirrors giving us a front row seat to that which we do not want to look at about ourselves and that which we love about ourselves. The trouble is we are quick to “own” the good stuff and quick to project the not so good stuff. When we come to know that our relationships are set in place to bring out our shadows, for the sole purpose of transforming the lower energies, patterns and beliefs to those aligned with love, it takes massive pressure and weight off the relationship. This allows for the possibility of both people operating from a space of curiosity, self awareness and gentleness.

 

  • radical self love kelsey grantThere is always a reason people come into our lives. Either you need them to change your life or you are the one to change theirs. Not all the relationships we have are meant to be “THE ONE”. Many of these are “prep” relationships that are there to stretch us, grow us and strengthen us- usually through shitty circumstances. We may not always understand “why” certain people or situations are called into our lives or why they last for as long or as short as they do. What there is to know is that they are always there to prepare us for the positive, open, vulnerable partnerships we are all capable of. This by no means is exclusive to 1-1 relationship dynamics. This absolutely applies for every single type of relationship dynamic possible. Especially if we are entering into the “open relationship” territory our intuition, communication, openness, vulnerability and honesty have to be at an all time high, just the same as in a monogamous relationship, if we intend to have a healthy, fulfilling partnership that is an extension of love.

The main life lesson:

There is always something to be learned from every single encounter, relationship or intimate experience. I have come to realize in the past few days through my relationship that the things I am most afraid of happening to me (being abandoned) are merely a projection of my own patternsย of avoidance and running away.

In my past relationships I was always the one who bailed, who refused to let my guard down, be vulnerable. The one who ran away. Literally. I was in my relationships but not present. I would go through the motions of what I thought it meant to be in a relationship all the while never truly opening, surrendering or being open to the possibility of love.

The fascinating part

radical self love kelsey grantAll of those relationships, situations and circumstances had to happen, just the way they did, in all their pain, in all their joy, in order to bring me to this exact moment of extreme awareness. It is inside of this “knowing” that I get to reclaim my power, heal and see the bigger reason and lesson behind everything that I have ever been through in my entire life. I now am presented with the opportunity to move forward in the space of this new awareness. This means I will be called to act in ways I never have before, cultivate new belief and emotional patterns and open to the incredibly possibility of deep, fulfilling partnership.

Sounds deliciously beautiful to me so here I go- leaping into this beautiful unknown ๐Ÿ˜‰

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels