How The “Other Woman” Helped Me Find Freedom and Happiness- Day 346: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Finding Freedom in the shadows

radical self love kelsey grantWe all have that side of ourselves we would rather keep hidden. Some call it a shadow, some call it an ego, some call it our darkness.

Whatever the name, we all have it. The elements of our personality with less than positive intentions. It is when we are living through our shadow we have a higher tendency to get triggered. Triggered by another person, circumstances in life and scenarios we are faced with.

Your shadow is one of the greatest access points to your highest potential if you allow this unfolding to take place. Embracing the lessons the shadow leads us towards, encourages the harnessing of energy and activation of our awareness for the highest good and potential for all involved.

What you can’t be with about another, leads you towards a deeper awareness of yourself.

Everything we can’t be with, everything we reject, resist or flat out dislike about someone or something outside of ourselves will always lead us to a greater understanding to what is going on inside ourselves on a deep deep level.

We can only identify that which exists already inside us and we are only activated or triggered by anything outside of ourselves, when an aspect of our own experience we have rejected and can’t be with- is still lying dormant in our unconscious.

How the “other woman” was key for my self awareness and deep deep healing.

There are a lot of things I could say about the woman with whom my partner broke our relationship agreement with and the only thing worth sharing is the truth.

It was really easy for me to hate her. It was really easy for me to be angry at her. It was really easy for me to make her wrong for everything. It was really easy for me to find fault in everything she did and everything she continues to do.

What wasn’t easy was coming to terms with one of my greatest spiritual lessons: Everything I despised about her, were actually elements of myself I had left unhealed and unattended. What a massive wake up call.

radical self love kelsey grant

My healing massively expanded when I started to use her reflection or more accurately my perception of her, for my own self discovery. Everything I couldn’t stand about her I took very close notice of- because it was actually mirroring what I couldn’t be with about myself.

I had to come to terms with the fact I had done the very same things I perceived she did- earlier in my life. I had repeated these disempowered behaviours multiple times during my life and I was still harbouring resentment and regret about it. I was withholding forgiveness towards myself.

Forgiving My Past

In my early 20’s I pursued men who were unavailable, men who were dating other people and I made it my game to manipulate them out of their relationships. In some shadowy twisted way when I “won” them away from their partners I made it mean I was enough, I was obviously a real catch and my bruised self worth was validated.

I would maintain friendships with men in relationships that were a little too close to respect the terms of their relationship agreements. I played the really good friend who was always there to listen to the relationship problems then eagerly offered my “advice”- advice to benefit me and my ego’s desires. I gave very little if any consideration to the woman in the relationship with the person I was scoping. She didn’t matter to me. I turned my back on my sisters.

I manipulated.
I meddled.
I flirted.
I seduced.
I made my ‘needs’ more important than the other hearts involved.
I broke trust.
I was dishonest.
My only intention was to get what I wanted at whatever cost.

Then I woke up.

Something in me shifted and I wanted more from myself and for my life. I wanted to learn what it meant to live in integrity. I wanted to learn what it meant to live on purpose. I knew enough back then that I would have to stop behaving this way to have the relationship and life I was deeply desiring. What I didn’t have access to was the essential healing ingredients- compassion and forgiveness.

Moving to Vancouver began a 5 year journey of understanding and developing my capacity for compassion and forgiveness. I practiced living on purpose and creating relationships in alignment and in integrity. When my partner and the other woman did what they did, it activated all of the unhealed wounds of my past. The shadow of my past behaviour was still unforgiven and reeking havoc on my present capacity for happiness. I was still living with the heavy heavy  impact of my past unconscious life.

Usher in the compassion

radical self love kelsey grantIt was through her, I was given an opportunity to identify all the suppressed junk I had been holding onto. The mirror of her behaviour also enabled me to wrap my past actions in compassion and love and set myself free- something I had not yet been capable of doing.

During this year long process of healing I’ve had to remind myself time and time again nothing I perceive about someone else is ever about them- it’s about me.


Through her, my awareness was directed to all the shadow wounds deeply buried within my unconscious mind. This situation happened at the exact point in time that I was capable of handling it. All of my “stuff” came up for review when it did was because I was in a place in my development and soul journey where I had the awareness and tools to move forward effectively.

This year I proved to myself how capable and willing I am at embracing my wounds, healing my perceptions and setting myself free.

We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. We all have done things we wish we could have done differently. If we hold onto them and make ourselves wrong until we leave this planet, we rob ourselves of the genuine happiness and possibility our lives hold.

When we learn from our behaviour and make conscious changes to become more respectful, more aware, more compassionate, more kind, more on purpose, more aligned with integrity and more loving- we have learned what that experience was meant to teach us. Then we can set it free. We keep the wisdom of the lesson and release the pain.

Making yourself wrong and others wrong until the end of time does no one any good. In fact it robs the world of your brilliance. This brilliance explodes into the world in the vehicle called your vibrance. Your vibrance is enhanced when you are happy, when you have released the weight of your “mistakes” and forgiven people who made their own mistakes. When you are living on purpose your brilliance inspires the world.

radical self love kelsey grantIt hasn’t been easy doing this work and forgiving all that has happened but it sure as heck has been worth it. Without her and all that happened I wouldn’t have developed Radical Self Love, I wouldn’t have this beautiful community to share with, I wouldn’t have uncovered and activated my purpose and potential. Without her I wouldn’t have done the inner work required to be in alignment with the relationship I desired so deeply and without her I wouldn’t have the relationship I do.

After I released myself from my past what I can see is I have a lot to thank her for. My life is beautiful, amazing, aligned and abundant because of her and all that happened. To be here in this head and heart space, a year later is a pretty incredible feat. It is through this experience I now have the honour to work with women in healing their blocks to love and finding their authentic relationship alignment and that my friends freaking lights me up!!!

You and only you have the capacity to set yourself free. You deserve happiness. You are worthy of success. You are so deserving of love, freedom and happiness. Be brave and do the most challenging and rewarding work of all: looking within.

Look, see, understand and love it all.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!


If you are ready to learn to love you check out our RSL 30 Day Program to get started on building the best relationship of your life- the one with YOU!

The Top 5 Success Lessons I’ve Learned in 100 Days- Day 100: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Wow!!! 100 days of blogging complete

and this is just the beginning

Kelsey Grant radical self loveI began the Radical Self Love project, blog and community only 100 short days ago. Time has flown by and when I think back and reflect on all that has happened in such a short time, I am truly amazed and really present to the profound nature and presence of miracles.

Our online community on Facebook is nearly 1000 RSL lovers and it’s growing more and more each day. I am honoured and humbled by the expressions of support and love from each person within this community.

In the spirit of celebration here are the top lessons I’ve learned since beginning this quest:

1. The distance between your reality and your dreams is highly dependant on your beliefs. I know the only reason this project and community has grown in the ways it has is because first and foremost I believed it to be possible. That belief is what fuels me each day to wake up and show up for this awesome group of peeps.

Kelsey Grant Radical self love

2. Success takes effort. None of this happened over night in fact in all honesty it is the by product of 30 years in the making. Every experience I’ve had has contributed to the construction of this project and community. The growth and expansion Radical Self Love is experiencing is a product of solid, daily consistent effort. Every day I work on this project, every day I’m creating and sharing, every day I am practicing (some days more than others) the principals of Radical Self Love in order to be the best leader and inspire through my personal example.

3. It takes a team. Without my internal team of advisors, coaches, partners and developers I wouldn’t get very far. I have my areas of strength and although my ego would like to think I am the best at everything that simply isn’t true. I am good at what I am good at. Other people are strong in the areas I am not-those are the people I have on my team. They call me to learn, grow and think outside the box. It is because of them all of this is possible.

4. The more I embrace my natural gifts and areas of interest the more successful RSL becomes. I love love, relationships and learning to love myself more. Naturally, because these are such true passions of mine, each and every time I write, blog or speak about these topics the engagement within the community booms. A huge part of these first 100 days has been trial and experimentation to see what really resonates with people. Ultimately what resonates is passion. When I share about my areas of passion its embraced with very welcome arms-thus going forward we are going to really embrace the communities interest in love, relationships and of course radical self love.

kelsey grant radical self love

5. Gratitude. Plain and simple. Each day the practice of consciously acknowledging what I am grateful for has ensured I always have so much to be grateful for. Count the blessings and the blessings to count increase. It’s such a beautiful miracle to experience each and every day. Praise for what is working, what is going well and all you have is a key to living in total harmony with love’s essence.

kelsey grant radical self loveWith all we have achieved in the first 100 days I am beyond stoked to see what the next 100 days have in store! Big yummy bursts of love to you all. Its all of you lovers who really make this project a pure pleasure to create, develop and share. Thank you for all you do, thank you for all you are!!!

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!


Day 3: 365 RSL Project

“The body, like everything else in life, is a mirror of your inner thoughts and beliefs. Every cell responds to every single thought you think and every word you speak. A wonderful affirmation to use is: I LISTEN TO MY BODY’S MESSAGES WITH LOVE” ~ Louise Hay

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Every day I am so amused by the universe’s sense of humour and my humanness. For the past week I have been feeling ‘under the weather’. I truly believe I attract everything I experience and I know ‘getting sick’ was brought in for a breakthrough in my awareness.

Often, one of the underlying factors of me being outside of perfect vibrational harmony with my health has been a lesson in slowing down and taking time for myself.

This time I know it is part of it. My life has been so full lately and I’ve been filling up my pockets of time ‘getting things done’ and allowing the time for me to get lower on the priority list. I also know that by doing this I am lowering my vibration. The journey of radically loving myself becomes more challenging when I’m operating from a lower energy.

The other aspect of this attraction is a little more facinating in nature. Exactly the day I declared I was venturing into this world of unknown territory and fully embracing the call of my spirit to teach, write, speak and sing about Radical Self Love, is the day I got sick.

I’ve done enough work on myself to know feeling ill is a familiar trick my ego likes to pull out to keep me playing safe, small or just not playing at all. This common theme has shown up at each paramount point in my life where I was faced with an opportunity that would change the world as I knew it and the direction of my life. My ego is a sneaky lil bugger and will masquarade under the guise of catching a cold, tripping and falling, or any situation or circumstance that could be deemed an ’emergency’ or ‘urgent attention required’. I’m onto the trappings of my ego and my awareness around my default/sabotage mechanisms is getting more attuned as the days go by. This is a HUGE win for love.

The thing about getting sick is it could have given me an excuse to not follow through on my word and keep up with the project. However, this project is so much bigger than me and my ego. The call of my spirit is loud and clear which makes it so much easier to identify when my ego has attempted to hop in the drivers seat and to gently keep steering my hearts course.

So here we are today with the 3rd post where I get the extreme pleasure of ‘outing’ my ego and it’s not-so-sneaky-anymore antics 😉

Today’s awareness will pair quite nicely with a relaxing bath and some solid solo time.



Tonight’s intention: recalibrate and soak in the beauty of this project, be present to the positive ripples it’s sending out and celebrate the gloriousness of listening to my infinitely intelligent body.

Only Love,