How The “Other Woman” Helped Me Find Freedom and Happiness- Day 346: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Finding Freedom in the shadows

radical self love kelsey grantWe all have that side of ourselves we would rather keep hidden. Some call it a shadow, some call it an ego, some call it our darkness.

Whatever the name, we all have it. The elements of our personality with less than positive intentions. It is when we are living through our shadow we have a higher tendency to get triggered. Triggered by another person, circumstances in life and scenarios we are faced with.

Your shadow is one of the greatest access points to your highest potential if you allow this unfolding to take place. Embracing the lessons the shadow leads us towards, encourages the harnessing of energy and activation of our awareness for the highest good and potential for all involved.

What you can’t be with about another, leads you towards a deeper awareness of yourself.

Everything we can’t be with, everything we reject, resist or flat out dislike about someone or something outside of ourselves will always lead us to a greater understanding to what is going on inside ourselves on a deep deep level.

We can only identify that which exists already inside us and we are only activated or triggered by anything outside of ourselves, when an aspect of our own experience we have rejected and can’t be with- is still lying dormant in our unconscious.

How the “other woman” was key for my self awareness and deep deep healing.

There are a lot of things I could say about the woman with whom my partner broke our relationship agreement with and the only thing worth sharing is the truth.

It was really easy for me to hate her. It was really easy for me to be angry at her. It was really easy for me to make her wrong for everything. It was really easy for me to find fault in everything she did and everything she continues to do.

What wasn’t easy was coming to terms with one of my greatest spiritual lessons: Everything I despised about her, were actually elements of myself I had left unhealed and unattended. What a massive wake up call.

radical self love kelsey grant

My healing massively expanded when I started to use her reflection or more accurately my perception of her, for my own self discovery. Everything I couldn’t stand about her I took very close notice of- because it was actually mirroring what I couldn’t be with about myself.

I had to come to terms with the fact I had done the very same things I perceived she did- earlier in my life. I had repeated these disempowered behaviours multiple times during my life and I was still harbouring resentment and regret about it. I was withholding forgiveness towards myself.

Forgiving My Past

In my early 20’s I pursued men who were unavailable, men who were dating other people and I made it my game to manipulate them out of their relationships. In some shadowy twisted way when I “won” them away from their partners I made it mean I was enough, I was obviously a real catch and my bruised self worth was validated.

I would maintain friendships with men in relationships that were a little too close to respect the terms of their relationship agreements. I played the really good friend who was always there to listen to the relationship problems then eagerly offered my “advice”- advice to benefit me and my ego’s desires. I gave very little if any consideration to the woman in the relationship with the person I was scoping. She didn’t matter to me. I turned my back on my sisters.

I manipulated.
I meddled.
I flirted.
I seduced.
I made my ‘needs’ more important than the other hearts involved.
I broke trust.
I was dishonest.
My only intention was to get what I wanted at whatever cost.

Then I woke up.

Something in me shifted and I wanted more from myself and for my life. I wanted to learn what it meant to live in integrity. I wanted to learn what it meant to live on purpose. I knew enough back then that I would have to stop behaving this way to have the relationship and life I was deeply desiring. What I didn’t have access to was the essential healing ingredients- compassion and forgiveness.

Moving to Vancouver began a 5 year journey of understanding and developing my capacity for compassion and forgiveness. I practiced living on purpose and creating relationships in alignment and in integrity. When my partner and the other woman did what they did, it activated all of the unhealed wounds of my past. The shadow of my past behaviour was still unforgiven and reeking havoc on my present capacity for happiness. I was still living with the heavy heavy  impact of my past unconscious life.

Usher in the compassion

radical self love kelsey grantIt was through her, I was given an opportunity to identify all the suppressed junk I had been holding onto. The mirror of her behaviour also enabled me to wrap my past actions in compassion and love and set myself free- something I had not yet been capable of doing.

During this year long process of healing I’ve had to remind myself time and time again nothing I perceive about someone else is ever about them- it’s about me.

 

Through her, my awareness was directed to all the shadow wounds deeply buried within my unconscious mind. This situation happened at the exact point in time that I was capable of handling it. All of my “stuff” came up for review when it did was because I was in a place in my development and soul journey where I had the awareness and tools to move forward effectively.

This year I proved to myself how capable and willing I am at embracing my wounds, healing my perceptions and setting myself free.

We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. We all have done things we wish we could have done differently. If we hold onto them and make ourselves wrong until we leave this planet, we rob ourselves of the genuine happiness and possibility our lives hold.

When we learn from our behaviour and make conscious changes to become more respectful, more aware, more compassionate, more kind, more on purpose, more aligned with integrity and more loving- we have learned what that experience was meant to teach us. Then we can set it free. We keep the wisdom of the lesson and release the pain.

Making yourself wrong and others wrong until the end of time does no one any good. In fact it robs the world of your brilliance. This brilliance explodes into the world in the vehicle called your vibrance. Your vibrance is enhanced when you are happy, when you have released the weight of your “mistakes” and forgiven people who made their own mistakes. When you are living on purpose your brilliance inspires the world.

radical self love kelsey grantIt hasn’t been easy doing this work and forgiving all that has happened but it sure as heck has been worth it. Without her and all that happened I wouldn’t have developed Radical Self Love, I wouldn’t have this beautiful community to share with, I wouldn’t have uncovered and activated my purpose and potential. Without her I wouldn’t have done the inner work required to be in alignment with the relationship I desired so deeply and without her I wouldn’t have the relationship I do.

After I released myself from my past what I can see is I have a lot to thank her for. My life is beautiful, amazing, aligned and abundant because of her and all that happened. To be here in this head and heart space, a year later is a pretty incredible feat. It is through this experience I now have the honour to work with women in healing their blocks to love and finding their authentic relationship alignment and that my friends freaking lights me up!!!

You and only you have the capacity to set yourself free. You deserve happiness. You are worthy of success. You are so deserving of love, freedom and happiness. Be brave and do the most challenging and rewarding work of all: looking within.

Look, see, understand and love it all.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

If you are ready to learn to love you check out our RSL 30 Day Program to get started on building the best relationship of your life- the one with YOU!

The Coffee Shop Cry: Lessons In Personal Freedom – Day 339: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Today I got triggered in a big time way.

As the magical universe would have it I was spiritually tested this afternoon to express and dig even deeper to expand my capacity for forgiveness.
radical self love kelsey grant

Inside of this triggering breakdown I had the chance to reach out and ask for support from my partner.

As soon as the trigger was activated, instead of letting it fester, I asked for support and if I could clear something with him that was activating an experience of upset and stress within me. Of course he said yes- he is incredible that way.

We dialogued for about 20 minutes while I cleared what I needed and gave him the stage to contribute his perspective and coaching my way. I let it in and found some peace around my challenge.

Then we headed out to adventure and find a new coffee shop to work in.

When we arrived at the coffee shop we continued our conversation and explored the deeper lessons and reasons why I was so triggered and upset. Inside of this very vulnerable exploration I was overwhelmed with emotion and I teared up.

I cried in the coffee shop

And it was incredibly freeing.

It was a testament to how far I’ve come along my journey. In a big time way I was able to be completely present to what was going on with me and not give a shit about where I was or the fact being gently emotional in public might make me “look bad” to anyone watching.

It didn’t matter because for one of the first times in my life, the exploration and expression of my wellbeing no longer dependant on the level of comfort people around me. My healing and gentle release was top priority. I allowed myself to completely be in my experience without stuffing it down or pretending I wasn’t hurting. I gave myself the freedom to just BE.

radical self love kelsey grant

Years ago I wouldn’t have been caught ever showing emotion in public never mind being vulnerable enough to allow someone into the most intimately sacred parts of myself and courageously outing my insecurities. I would have shut it down immediately and saved it for a more “acceptable” time and place- which in all honesty meant I just wouldn’t deal with it.

This RSL journey has supported me in accessing deep and profound levels of self acceptance through my ever growing understanding and application of self love. My free self expression allowed me to constructively clear what needed to be let go of and created the space for deeper intimacy and connection between my partner and I.

radical self love kelsey grant

I acknowledge my partner for the strength to hold space for me today and within that space anchor in more acceptance, compassion and connection.

I acknowledge myself for the courage it took to be boldly honest and deal with something immediately so that I could find a deeper sense of freedom, forgiveness and self expression.

Passing a spiritual test with grace and compassion = levelling up to the next stage of greatness

Crying and the most raw and authentic self expression in the moment = freedom. Beautiful, pure freedom.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

Embracing Change- 5 Secrets To Making Change Stick: Day 312: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Today on Marie TV is a special interview.

Marie interviews Todd Herman on the secrets to change and making it stick. With all the convo’s I’ve heard lately with feeling stuck or experiencing resistance along the path of Radical Self Love I figured this would be an amazing resource to share with all of you lovers!

Enjoy!

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

Dealing With Residual Anger and Upset On Your RSL Journey- Day 301: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Lets face it we all have a shadow and sometimes that shadow comes in the package of anger. When delving into the path of self love and relationships we are bound to come face to face with any residual energies … Continue reading

Creating Space With A Lil Spring Cleaning- Day 294: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Given that tonight my man is home tonight I thought I would do a lil cleaning in our house today to make sure he has a nice clean space to come home to.

Anytime I go away I always love coming home to a super clean and organized space. It’s like starting fresh on a nice clean canvas.

As I was cleaning the apartment I thought I would take it a little further and actually do a clean out of my closet as well. Nothing says creating space like cleaning out the closet literally and figuratively.

radical self love kelsey grant

The entire time he’s been gone I’ve had the chance to go through my internal closet and clean shit out that really no longer serves any purpose being in my mind, my energy and my heart. Some outdated beliefs and patterns had to go and this time apart allowed me the space to purge them and clean out my mind, my energy and my heart.

With all the mind cleaning I chose to do some body cleaning too and made sure to juice every day and get back on the 5 days a week exercise train. Combining the practices of internal mind cleaning and internal organ cleaning was a really good move. My energy feels back to a really stable place, I’m happier lately, I’ve been waking up early in the morning without an alarm and I feel lighter- like a massive weight has been lifted off of my heart.

So with all this spiritual and body cleansing I wanted to really make some more space in our physical environment so today I cleaned out my closet. I let go of a bunch of clothes and felt really great about it knowing those clothes would now get to go to new homes to people who would really appreciate them. I did a silent blessing on each item I gave away and infused it with positive blessings and energy for it’s new owner.

Now with a clean home, a clean mind and a clean heart I welcome my babe back. I am so freaking excited to pick him up tonight and see his handsome face and reconnect with his incredible heart- and now our home has even more space. Space that we can fill with new positive intention and loads and heaps of love.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

1 More Sleep Until My Man Comes Home!!! 293: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Only 1 more sleep until my man gets back and I am so freaking stoked!!

After 2 weeks of being apart he will be coming home tomorrow night and my heart couldn’t be happier. Today as a beautiful way to wrap this entire adventure up we hopped on a call and just reflected on all the positive aspects of our time apart has had on our relationship.

Some of the highlights:

1. We learned how to more effectively communicate our needs to each other.

2. We had the opportunity to have really deep, authentic and new level conversations about our relationship, where we are headed and share our excitement in co-creating in this new direction.

3. We got a chance to really miss each other.

4. We explored new creative territory with one another and infused this new creativity into our daily communication.

radical self love kelsey grant5. We got a chance to really build a foundation of trust and honesty.

 

While I am grateful for all of these beautiful gifts we have acquired over our time away from each other I am most certainly ready for him to come back.

So tonight I am going to celebrate this massive accomplishment (being apart and being ok) with my favourite dinner and a lil vino and enjoy a super chill vibe in the house flying solo for one more evening. I feel so blessed to have the relationship that I do and it most certainly has required work, positive intention, commitment to both our healing and a desire to co-create the relationship of our dreams.

After todays reflection I’d say so far we are doing pretty freaking amazing 😉

Wishing you all the love in the world and the most happiness this evening can provide!

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

“All About Me Days” Are The BEST- Day 288- 365 Radical Self Love Project

Today has been an all about me day.

I made a choice today to do only things that would nourish my heart and leave me feeling happy and fulfilled- that is what I mean by an all about me day. These days take a tremendous amount of inward reflection and presence,

To know what to do to nourish my heart I have to be tuned into it.

To know what to do to feel at my best I must be present to what I desire.

To know what I need to feel fuelled and fulfilled I have to be aware of what my body is communicating to me and then have the COURAGE to follow the guidance.

059-time-for-self-love

So this is what my Radical Self Love Day looked like:

1. This morning instead of pushing myself to wake up early and go to yoga I simply asked my body what it needed. After 5 days of workouts and intensity my body said REST. So I listened. I lounged in bed and I skipped yoga- and savoured every second of my leisurely start to the day.

2. Before heading out for the morning I grounded out in gratitude journalling and some crystal meditation- YUM.

3. I went and met up with a fellow high vibin, soul connected lady friend- gabbed over coffee and inspiration. Self Loving- Absolutely

4. I enjoyed my walk home in the rain and listened to an audio book.

5. I talked to my man mid afternoon- such a lovely surprise! Heart happy?! CHECK

6. I met up with one of my besties and we went on a little shopping adventure. Grabbed a coffee, shared a delicious donut, did some shopping, explored some hidden gem stores we’d never been too, laughed, chatted and completely enjoyed our time connecting.

7. Returned home for some delicious home cooked Moroccan Stew, a lil B-School, some writing and a super chill relaxing night.

Taking the time to do things that nourish your soul is an absolute requirement if we want to really amp up the feelings of happiness, fulfillment and connection to something bigger than ourselves- LOVE.

Make it a regular practice to set aside a few hours each week dedicated only to doing things that just make you freaking happy and stoked on life- the rest of your week will benefit and so will everyone who gets to come into contact with the happy, fulfilled and heart centred YOU.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

 

Causing Pain or Causing Happiness: Wisdom From My Yoga Mat- Day 284: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Today at the yoga studio we are practicing the spiritual law of Karma, other wise known as cause and effect.

For every action there is an impact, a seed is planted with every thought, feeling and action we take. Those seeds will at some point be the cause of an effect. All situations in our lives can always be traced to the originating thought, feeling and action whether it be positive or negative.

radical self love kelsey grant

My dear friend and fabulous instructor said something at the end of class that really struck a chord with me. She heard this from one of her teachers growing up and I felt it had incredible significance for me right now. She said:

“We either make decisions that cause pain or decisions that cause happiness”.

I reflected on this in a few ways.

First I reflected being the cause of an effect in another person. Every interaction I have with someone holds the opportunity to either cause them pain or cause them happiness. Certainly in my past I’ve made crap loads of decisions that absolutely lead to the experience of pain in someone else. I’ve also made a tonne of choices that lead to the experience of happiness in someone else.

With this increased awareness I really have brought this question to the fore front of my mind when it comes to my interactions with another: “Is what I am about to do or say going to cause an experience of pain or happiness- either immediately or in the future?

This simple check in with myself allows me the conscious space to be acting from a place of integrity, honesty and respect.

The second way I reflected on it was more personal. I reflected that every thought, feeling or action I take has the potential to either cause me a future experience of pain or happiness. It has become very clear to me over these past few weeks of deep heart healing and soul work that I have been engaging in a major addiction to negative obsession (more on this in a future posty post). These obsessive thoughts I’ve been “indulging” in have lead to the effect of feeling shit, anxious and fearful- which is not good for anyone, especially me.

radical self love kelsey grant

Inside of this super clear ahhh haa! moment today I can see how my insecurities have been rooted in the choices of thoughts, feelings and actions I was taking. This ultimately is the cause of my pain (even though it was an unconscious behaviour, the choice still lead to the pain).

Now the unconscious has been made conscious and I’m already beginning to see a shift. I “outed” myself to a couple girlfriends today and I also told this truth to my partner. Doing so reduces my access to indulge in these patterns. When we share our awakenings and awarenesses of our patterns to our close peeps they generally don’t give us space to keep running them, because they see us as someone who is capable of overcoming this layer of growth.

So here I am tonight “outing” myself to all you beauties. My major shift will be happening inside- in the ways in which I think, feel and act towards myself and my relationship. The self awareness muscle I’ve built when it comes to others and understanding the future impact I am responsible for with them, will serve me greatly in taking on this new area of internal transformation. I will keep you all posted on this internal journey as I have a feeling this one hold a pretty massive treasure inside 🙂

Mega gratitude and love to my soul sisters who held space for me today, for my soul family who always has my back, to my incredible, patient and loving partner who always calls me to be greater and step into my brilliance, and for each and every one of you beautiful souls part of this self love movement- you all make this world such a brighter place through your awareness, willingness to step into love and your ability to move forward fearlessly.

You are all amazing in my eyes and I love you dearly!

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

Jonathan Budd’s Journey of Healing and Self Love- Day 282: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Wow! Epic masculine vulnerability ahead!

I came across this incredibly raw, real and authentic video from a fellow Awesomeness Fest tribe member Jonathan Budd today. Jonathan is such an inspirational leader in our Afest family and such a positive inspiration in the world and he just took that greatness to a whole new level of awesomeness.

In this 30 minute video he vulnerably shares his journey of Radical Self Love. This is such a courageous story and he zones in around the 21 minute mark as to why doing this work is so freaking important for our journey.

Have a watch, get ready to hear some radical real talk and best of all see that where ever you are, whatever you are going through, whatever you’ve gone through you are not alone and it is completely ok and acceptable to own your journey just as it’s been and to give yourself permission to “do the work”.

If you know you are ready to step it up and dive into your Radical Self Love Journey you can do so HERE by joining our 30 Day Radical Self Love Program.

You are worthy, you are deserving and you are so loved above all else ❤

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Our Mistakes Are All Part Of The Creative Genius Journey- Day 279: 365 Radical Self Love Project

In life, sometimes we create great things and other times we create shit.

As an artist I can completely resonate with this- there have been stellar performances I’ve given and there have been dreadful ones. There have been beautiful songs I’ve written and really crappy ones. I’ve explored various creative outlets and been good at some, shit at a few and really great at the rest.

radical self love kelsey grant

I’ve come to realize through my creative journey that I can’t be great at everything and thats ok.

It’s ok to create something amazing and then inside the next creative session nothing exceptional manifests. It’s all part of the process.

Not being good at everything is actually a fabulous thing.

Because what we aren’t strong at- somebody is. Which means that our weaknesses are another persons strength and when we accept these are not our natural areas of strength and stop fighting against it- we open the space for others who have that strength to step into owning and sharing their talents and gifts.

There is space for us all.

kelsey grant radical self loveIn my coaching session today my coach offered up this video as support for my creative expansion. I had mentioned on our call that part of my healing and release this past week was about getting complete and into a place of full acceptance of the worst case scenario in my relationship.

I came to the awareness that even if the worst case scenario were to happen I would still be able to thrive. I wouldn’t be stopped completely and my capacity for holding that experience of loss would be supported by my personal growth, my community and my connection with the divine universe.

 

The impact of this acceptance was a complete opening in the flow of our relationship and connection. I could drop worrying about the worst case scenario and actually be present with him. When we are present with each other we are completely in touch with our divine nature and deep pure love flows between us and within us. Inside of this presence we co-create an incredible dynamic, relationship, partnership and epic soul connection. I have created the space in myself for my creative genius to emerge inside of my relationship.

My creative genius  is my channel and opening to divine guidance, my inner guide and higher faculties.

In our heart centred acceptance of the worst possible scenario we create the space for the best case scenario to manifest.

The same concept holds true in more artistic circumstances. Before I perform in any capacity I get ok with fucking up on stage, I get ok with forgetting the lyrics or chords or doing something imperfectly. My acceptance of this possible reality releases the grip of fear and allows me the space to go out on stage and allow the performance to be what it’s supposed to be.

Sometimes that means I mess up my own songs and when I do I don’t overstep it. I acknowledge it. It takes people by surprise. It also creates a beautiful human rapport between me and the audience- it helps bring down the walls of separation and it reminds us all of the humour of being human. It’s a pretty magical thing.

radical self love kelsey grant

So get out there. Give yourself permission to go full out and risk messing up or not doing something “perfectly”. The more comfy we get in stepping into our fear the more freedom we get the chance to experience. You got this love 😉

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels