***This post originated on my personal site a few weeks ago, since hitting some technical malfunctions I’m re-posting these holiday blogs here for continued accessibility over the holidays while we get everything back up and running on our main site*** … Continue reading
Dropping the should and entering the world of relationship harmony and inner peace.
Something I am really present to tonight is how truly powerful we each are in creating our experience of being alive.
As I pondered what the relationship post would be for tonight it struck me in a wave of life synchronicity. I was driving to pick up my partner from his course tonight and the stream of consciousness began. The topic of “should” had come up in my meeting tonight and it got me pondering:
Who would I be without my story of how it should be?
I would be at peace, I would be present and I would be in flow.
With this answer in mind I began reflecting on a situation from today. This afternoon I sent my man a beautiful note of appreciation and gratitude. He responded with a lovely text and only moments after reading it the “shoulding” began.
I without conscious thought began casting judgement on his response and convincing myself that he didn’t mean what he said and that his response was robotic and detached.
Then I caught it.
I turned it around on myself.
I asked myself, “where in our relationship had I responded to a kind gesture with a lack of enthusiasm or more accurately from a space of withholding the depth of my gratitude?”
Why it had just happened yesterday.
He showered me with the gift of a beautiful card and I could barely capture any other words but thank you. I was deeply moved and felt so connected but I kept that to myself for fear of looking silly or over emotional. I didn’t own my truth and I certainly didn’t communicate to him how deeply grateful I was for that gesture.
Next reflection how could I see this differently? What would it be like if I knew his response was enough?
As I drove, I began telling myself a different story about his response:
“It was loving”
“It was honest”
“He responded in the most authentic way possible given the circumstances of his night” (he was on a day long seminar).
As I repeated these new stories to myself on my drive the next light ahead would turn green. I had no stops, no roadblocks no obstacles to interrupt my flow the entire drive there.
It was a beautiful lesson which couldn’t have been more perfect.
When we dwell in the best case scenario we open up to divine flow, life becomes easy, simple, fun, exciting and best of all it feels good.
The universe spoke to me in the form of traffic lights. With every positive creation I made the light turned green- I was in flow.
By the time I arrived at the destination I felt at peace, present and super connected to the blessing and divine gift he is in my life. Pretty freaking magical.
What and who would you be without the disempowering story?
Let yourself go there. Dwell in that creation that all best case outcomes are possible and more importantly the best case scenario is your reality. For what we think we create.
Dropping the shoulding and picking up the positive creation feels oh so gooooood and darling beauty you are incredibly worth it all.
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!
One of the mega benefits of being home from my trip is getting to spend time with the man I love
Since being home however both of our schedules have been super full and we have seen each other only super early in the am before heading off to our respective days or late at night when we both arrive back home.
We both understand the importance of having time to nourish the relationship and to spend quality time with each other. I am so grateful to have a partner who took time out of his busy schedule this week to plan a surprise date day for us!
And first the breakdown
Last night after returning home pretty late and pretty tired I got quite irritable. A mixture of being away for over a week, super busy days, jet-lag, coming home and jumping right back into work and teaching mixed with Kelsey not carving out the time to make sure my inner energy tank was full lead to a bit of a breakdown. I was irritable, agitated, combative and directed it at the one person who definitely did not deserve it- my partner.
I know this happens in a lot of relationships, I’ve observed it my entire life. The people we say we love the most, and often do, become the people we unconsciously choose to bear the brunt of our own inner battles. Anytime we fight with another we are projecting our own inner battle, our own anger at ourselves and redirecting it as a means to not actually deal with it. I am so lucky to have a partner who won’t by into my bs and calls me to my greatness. This lead me to uncover quite quickly that I was being a big time jerk AND my underlying “stuff” was rooted in not listening to my inner guide. I was the one who booked my schedule solid, I was the one who chose to stay out at a birthday party last night after the time I declared I was going home to rest.
You see I had made a plan with my partner to leave this party around 9:15, to leave at that time would have:
- Honoured my agreement to be there
- Given me some solid time to connect with my family tribe
- Honoured my self love and self care by coming home to rest and finally charge up my batteries.
What got in the way was this:
An old familiar pattern of not wanting to upset other people. I could see my partner was having a good time and I didn’t want to make him leave- thus on a deeper level I am saying his needs are more important than mine. Also I didn’t want to “look bad” by leaving early, even though I was exsausted.
What I learned through this experience is:
It is fabulous to have a plan of action, and alternatively if that plan needs to change to maintain the flexibility of the mind and emotions to allow a new better plan to form. I could have easily gone home and allowed the space for my partner to stay as long as he wanted- thus creating a win-win situation. I could have just been honest with my friends and family and they would have totally understood me leaving early. Also creating a win-win.
To live life is to experience it in all it’s drama in all it’s peace, in all it’s darkness and in all it’s light. Through my experience of living life I gained access to an incredible Radical Self Love Lesson: The importance of creating double win situations, scenarios and circumstances. The key to this is maintaining some level of objectivity, meaning the emotions must remain in balance with the mind and the spirit. To do so requires a self love practice and being courageous enough to declare my truth and allow the space for others to speak their truth. Inside the double sharing of truth a double win can ALWAYS be created.
Having come through this experience better I am ready for what this day holds. I am heading on an adventure with the man I love, to a place I have never been before and have always wanted to go!!!! We are heading to the beautiful Whistler for the day and night, for some mega lovin, reconnection and creating of more double wins 😉
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!