The Coffee Shop Cry: Lessons In Personal Freedom – Day 339: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Today I got triggered in a big time way.

As the magical universe would have it I was spiritually tested this afternoon to express and dig even deeper to expand my capacity for forgiveness.
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Inside of this triggering breakdown I had the chance to reach out and ask for support from my partner.

As soon as the trigger was activated, instead of letting it fester, I asked for support and if I could clear something with him that was activating an experience of upset and stress within me. Of course he said yes- he is incredible that way.

We dialogued for about 20 minutes while I cleared what I needed and gave him the stage to contribute his perspective and coaching my way. I let it in and found some peace around my challenge.

Then we headed out to adventure and find a new coffee shop to work in.

When we arrived at the coffee shop we continued our conversation and explored the deeper lessons and reasons why I was so triggered and upset. Inside of this very vulnerable exploration I was overwhelmed with emotion and I teared up.

I cried in the coffee shop

And it was incredibly freeing.

It was a testament to how far I’ve come along my journey. In a big time way I was able to be completely present to what was going on with me and not give a shit about where I was or the fact being gently emotional in public might make me “look bad” to anyone watching.

It didn’t matter because for one of the first times in my life, the exploration and expression of my wellbeing no longer dependant on the level of comfort people around me. My healing and gentle release was top priority. I allowed myself to completely be in my experience without stuffing it down or pretending I wasn’t hurting. I gave myself the freedom to just BE.

radical self love kelsey grant

Years ago I wouldn’t have been caught ever showing emotion in public never mind being vulnerable enough to allow someone into the most intimately sacred parts of myself and courageously outing my insecurities. I would have shut it down immediately and saved it for a more “acceptable” time and place- which in all honesty meant I just wouldn’t deal with it.

This RSL journey has supported me in accessing deep and profound levels of self acceptance through my ever growing understanding and application of self love. My free self expression allowed me to constructively clear what needed to be let go of and created the space for deeper intimacy and connection between my partner and I.

radical self love kelsey grant

I acknowledge my partner for the strength to hold space for me today and within that space anchor in more acceptance, compassion and connection.

I acknowledge myself for the courage it took to be boldly honest and deal with something immediately so that I could find a deeper sense of freedom, forgiveness and self expression.

Passing a spiritual test with grace and compassion = levelling up to the next stage of greatness

Crying and the most raw and authentic self expression in the moment = freedom. Beautiful, pure freedom.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

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Three Valuable Lessons My Coach Taught Me Today- Day 209: 365 Radical Self Love Project

I love Thursdays

Thursdays are my coaching days. They kick off with my amazing coaching session with my coach and then I rock client sessions throughout the day.

Why I have a coach

What makes me an effective coach, leader and facilitator is my willingness to be coached and teachable. I know enough to know I don’t know everything. I am like anyone else who signs up for coaching. I have a life that sometimes gets lifey. I experience contrast, breakdowns and challenges. I am effective at what I do because I allow myself the space to work through my stuff and clear my shit in respectful and constructive ways.

My coach reminded me of three very valuable lessons today:

radical self love1. There are some people who by nature seek drama and it is not a life requirement to get pulled into their shit-storm.

2. Conflict can only arise when there is a lack of clarity.

3. When dealing with conflict, breakdown and emotions there is always room for possibility and the opportunity of a breakthrough.

While we may write certain people off in our lives because they are challenging we must keep in mind that those people are brought into our lives for a very important reason. They are always brought into our lives to help us overcome our own limitations and internal conflict. While they may present this opportunity it is important to note it is not required to keep them in our lives. Sometimes we just have to bless people, wish them the best and set them free.

What we see in others means nothing about them and everything about us.

We-do-not-see-things-as-they-are-we-see-things-as-we-areOur model of the world is based on our own personal life experience. No two people experience life the same and there for no two people will share the same perspectives and interpretations of life’s events. What occurs to one person as peaceful occurs to another as an attack and it is all rooted in our perceptions of the world. Some people just have a lens of drama. They unconsciously seek it and perpetuate it.

We either believe we live in a hostile universe where everyone and everything is out to “get” us or we believe we live in a kind and loving Universe where everyone and everything exists to help us grow, understand and come more into alignment with our truth. When we believe the world is out to get us we act in such a way to ensure we are “right” about it. Meaning we leave a lot of grey room in our communication, in our actions and in our behaviour. Lack of clarity is the ideal breeding grounds for conflict. This is why clear agreements and the management of details plays such a vital role in our ability to thrive and experience possibility.

Clarity is the foundation in which possibility is built on.

When we have a solid foundation we minimize the opportunity and space for breakdowns with each other. However when breakdowns do occur, and they do for all of us. What there is to understand is we all have the opportunity to handle them in a respectful and  constructive manor.  One of the foundational pieces of coming into harmonious resolutions is this: before launching into coaching mode or giving feedback mode create the space for possibility and have their agreement.

This means setting the conversation or context up in such a way where you allow the other person to freely choose what is best for them at this point in time. Most people just spew their breakdown, go on the attack and then wonder why the person on the other end is not receptive.

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What we can do to shift this is simply ask permission.

WayneDyerQuote1Get their buy in. When you have something you need to share, before you share, ask them if they are open and willing to hear what you have to say right now and have the conversation. This one simple step sets you both up to win.

It ensures you will only have the conversation when both parties are open, willing and receptive to feedback. Until that happens we leave the space for more upset, more conflict and no resolution.

It certainly takes courage and a higher level of self awareness to operate this way- and it is totally worth it. Communication that is clear, honest and constructive is always the way to go. When you respect another by allowing them the space to choose when is the best/most optimal time to have the convo you are already on the path to success.

Harmony in breakdowns comes from a willingness to see things differently. Willingness to forgive. Willingness to learn. Willingness to grow and most importantly willingness to love. 

Choose love lovers- it just feels better 😉

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

From Breakup to Breakthrough- How One Year of Self Love Changed Everything- Day 206: 365 Radical Self Love Program

Well we did it!!!!! The 30 Day Radical Self Love Program is complete and out in the world! Right now I am feeling pretty darn excited, proud and in all honesty a little overwhelmed, in the best possible way. This program came … Continue reading

2013 In Review: Some Awesome Reflections of An Epic Year- Day 193: 365 Radical Self Love Project

Wow 2013 you were a doozy.

I am thrilled to enter into this new year ahead and first a little reflection on the epic road 2013 paved.

Starting the year with a bang!!

My 2013 began with a unexpected breakup and just as unexpected breakdown. Inside of this massive shift was an even bigger opportunity- to finally figure out what I was truly made of.

Relationships up until this point had been a source of validation for me. In the break of my relationship I got to see the depth of my being-all the dark nasty energies that were lurking in the background. It was these energies, memories and stories I had been holding for years which were indeed holding me back. I needed to breakup to actually see all of them.

When I finally began to uncover these elements of myself I courageously made a choice to let them go. Not know how to actually do that, or what it would look like I took off on a journey of wild faith, complete surrender and soul healing.

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The first win

Out of my deepest suffering I birthed something great. I created a 30 Day Radical Self Love Program for myself. I put all of my knowledge, wisdom and guidance I was receiving from my spiritual practice and made a program to get myself through this intensely painful time. I was aware enough to know that I was only given that which I was capable of handling, even if at the time it seemed otherwise. This 30 days of self love began my reset and rebooting phase.

I began to stand up for myself, I began to take really good care of my body, my mind and my spirit, I began repairing relationships, completing relationships, setting clear and firm boundaries and diving deeply in to the world of self discovery, self development and self expansion.

In my 30 days I was gifted with many incredible ideas from the Universe.

The first was a Healing Gratitude Practice to heal the heart through a breakup and to provide clarity, support, healing and nourishment to BOTH parties. To me this was a very sacred gift, one to be used with great responsibility and care. It was this practice that began to set the stage for what would be an epic romantic re-uniting.

The second was a book. A step by step guideline to consciously process and gracefully accept the lessons of a relationship breakup. This book will be ready upon the new year and I believe it is one of the main reasons why I was able to hold the energy of love, embrace forgiveness, invite the soul searching and accept the deep healing that was required on my part to re-enter a relationship or be ready again for love.

The biggest win of the year

Following a completion of the 30 day program, I kept going and designed a 60 day program and a 90 day program. Midway through the 90 day program I experienced one of the most profound miracles of my life.

My former partner and I found our way back together.

radical self loveIn the time apart we had both experienced what we needed to to finally be clear. To be clear of what we wanted and be clear to act in alignment with what we wanted and to know full heartedly that what we wanted was each other. This was no easy ride. It has been months of intense emotional processing, deeper levels of forgiveness, practising raw honesty, learning how to be deeply vulnerable and most importantly learning how to let go to move forward. In this reuinion my heart had found it’s home. I was full and complete as I was, and when I finally came to the realization of this through all the deep inner work I had done, the relationship appeared. When I was actually ready, mind, body soul ready- it showed up.

Following this reunion Radical Self Love was launched.

I knew I had been given this experience not only for my soul growth but for the soul growth of the millions of others who are dealing with a self love deficiency and thus experiencing challenges in love as a result. My journey this year lead me to realize my life isn’t just for me, its for the betterment of all. My journey is an avenue for others to learn, progress, expand and transform. It is in this energy of self acceptance that we finally set ourselves free. It is in the practice of radical self love that we set the foundation for true happiness, prosperity and love.

Radical Self Love

 

Knowing this we lauched RSL and since then have mindfully allowed it to grow, expand and direct us to our next spiritual assignment. Inside of the launching of this community I was asked to come share the stage and share my music at an incredible conference in LA this past July. To take the stage with Kyle Cease and all of his guest speakers was a true honour.

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Hitting the stage

Returing home in the fall we launched into the monthly RSL workshops to begin building a local community of women and men who are commited to love, committed to loving themselves first and open and receptive to learning effective ways to do so. I am so proud to share how incredibly fulfilling and successful these events have been. It warms my heart to see the community in person coming together in the spirit of greatness, transformation and love.

Wrapping Up Beautifully

To wrap up the year we lauched our first RSL Course: The Seven Levels of Forgiveness. Every time I think of this course, the content, the participants and results which were caused in our 7 week journey together my heart flutters with pure joy. I am so thrilled to bring this course back to our international community in 2014!!

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The final accomplishements and wins of 2013 were amazing seeds we planted for the start of 2014: A radio interview (Jan 30th), the official launch of our new website, the release of the 30 Day Radical Self Love Program (the one I wrote about at the start of the blog), my first speaker summit in Feb, a guest facilitator for Warp Academy’s Creative Mastery Course, a brand new coaching program, our first RSL E-book…and that is just the first two months of the year!!!

I am truly so grateful and feeling the epic blessings of this past year. Although it was honestly one of the hardest, most emotionally demanding, soul purging, hard working years- it was the best year of my life.

If I were to sum it all up this year brought to me my life’s work and my life soul partner. Two pretty incredible accomplishments 😉

My invitation to you tonight is simple. Take time tonight or tomorrow and truly reflect on your accomplishments, lessons and wins from this past year. To know where you have been gives you solid clarity and power into knowing where you want to go in this year head! Let’s let love lead this year and make 2014 the best year yet!!!

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

Releasing Attachment and Embracing Acceptance: What One Hair Cut Taught Me- Day 173: 365 Radical Self Love Project

This past week has brought a new level of awareness and eventually self acceptance into my experience.

About a week ago I went to go get my hair cut. I’m very particular about my hair and lets just be honest, I’m totally attached to it. It took me five years to grow it out and I have always really loved long hair. So imagine my surprise when my long locks were lying on a pile on the floor below my chair. When something like this happens there really isn’t much to do except eventually get to a place of acceptance via shifting internal perceptions.

What this hair cut taught me:

1. Un-communicated expectations are at the root of many, and most upsets.

I had an expectation of how my hair was going to look, I showed a picture and it turned out very different. Had I communicated how important it was to me to keep the length of my hair, perhaps it would have gone differently, perhaps it wouldn’t. The point though is not my hair, but what my hair brings to my awareness. If I have uncommunicated expecations with a hair cut- I have them all over my life. It is now up to me to discover where these expecations exists and then *GASP* communicate them effectively.

2. Attachment to an outcome is painful.

I was really set on the way it was going to go and when it turned out differently I completely had a meltdown and continued to experience internal conflict-all because I had a very strong attachment to how it should go. Like anything in life what is meant to happen is what does. Everything happens for a reason and when we hold death grips on our expectations we rob ourselves from the opportunity to see what we are being called to learn. There is always a greater and higher reasoning to why things happen the way they do. I can see first hand why having these restrictive attachments is something my higher self was guiding me to release- the more I embrace going with the flow and being clear in my expectations, the more I can actually relax and trust that whatever happens is what is meant to happen for my highest good. This does wonders for the experience of inner peace, happiness, abundance and flow. For True.

3. I am my biggest critic.

This massive change brought up a whole lot of “stuff” about feeling pretty, attractive and sexy. This entire situation has brought to my attention how hard I can be on myself and my physical appearance. What this also really brought to my attention was the fact that until my internal state resonates with the positive feedback I was receiving from others, I will actually reject what is coming at me externally. Meaning every single person I have come into contact with since getting the hair cut has affirmed just how amazing it actually looks- I couldn’t accept their praise as the truth simply because that was not what I believed inside. It wasn’t until today when I fully embranced, accepted and could see the beauty of it that I could really take in the positive feedback externally as truth.

4. The things that trigger an upset are not actually what we are upset about.

WHHHAAAT??!!! Yup it’s true, while I’ve known this for quite some time this entire experience drove the lesson home even more. I was triggered into an upset by my hair cut. Deep down what I was actually upset with was much different. The hair cut was just the surface trigger point to lead me to a deeper understanding of myself and the profound richness of my being. It was really about: my levels of self acceptance, my communication skills and my self perceptions. I have learned through this experience to see myself as beautiful no matter what, to accept myself as a beautiful and attractive woman inside and out, to level up my communication, learn how to communicate my expectations clearly, and how to allow the positive feedback from the outside guide me towards developing a more positive and loving relationship with myself.

Radical Self Love Kelsey Grant

So all things considered this was indeed one of the best hair cuts I have ever received, because it was so much more than a change in physical appearance. It inspired the transformation of my self acceptance, my body acceptance, my body love and ultimately my self love. This is a win, a really big one 😉

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

How a Breakdown Lead to An Understanding of Creating Double Wins And an Entire Date Day Adventure- Day 148: 365 Radical Self Love Project

One of the mega benefits of being home from my trip is getting to spend time with the man I love

radical self love kelsey grantSince being home however both of our schedules have been super full and we have seen each other only super early in the am before heading off to our respective days or late at night when we both arrive back home.

We both understand the importance of having time to nourish the relationship and to spend quality time with each other. I am so grateful to have a partner who took time out of his busy schedule this week to plan a surprise date day for us!

And first the breakdown

Last night after returning home pretty late and pretty tired I got quite irritable. A mixture of being away for over a week, super busy days, jet-lag, coming home and jumping right back into work and teaching mixed with Kelsey not carving out the time to make sure my inner energy tank was full lead to a bit of a breakdown. I was irritable, agitated, combative and directed it at the one person who definitely did not deserve it- my partner.

good relationshipI know this happens in a lot of relationships, I’ve observed it my entire life. The people we say we love the most, and often do, become the people we unconsciously choose to bear the brunt of our own inner battles. Anytime we fight with another we are projecting our own inner battle, our own anger at ourselves and redirecting it as a means to not actually deal with it. I am so lucky to have a partner who won’t by into my bs and calls me to my greatness. This lead me to uncover quite quickly that I was being a big time jerk AND my underlying “stuff” was rooted in not listening to my inner guide. I was the one who booked my schedule solid, I was the one who chose to stay out at a birthday party last night after the time I declared I was going home to rest.

You see I had made a plan with my partner to leave this party around 9:15, to leave at that time would have:

  1. Honoured my agreement to be there
  2. Given me some solid time to connect with my family tribe
  3.  Honoured my self love and self care by coming home to rest and finally charge up my batteries.

What got in the way was this:

An old familiar pattern of not wanting to upset other people. I could see my partner was having a good time and I didn’t want to make him leave- thus on a deeper level I am saying his needs are more important than mine. Also I didn’t want to “look bad” by leaving early, even though I was exsausted.

What I learned through this experience is:

It is fabulous to have a plan of action, and alternatively if that plan needs to change to maintain the flexibility of the mind and emotions to allow a new better plan to form. I could have easily gone home and allowed the space for my partner to stay as long as he wanted- thus creating a win-win situation. I could have just been honest with my friends and family and they would have totally understood me leaving early. Also creating a win-win.

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To live life is to experience it in all it’s drama in all it’s peace, in all it’s darkness and in all it’s light. Through my experience of living life I gained access to an incredible Radical Self Love Lesson: The importance of creating double win situations, scenarios and circumstances. The key to this is maintaining some level of objectivity, meaning the emotions must remain in balance with the mind and the spirit. To do so requires a self love practice and being courageous enough to declare my truth and allow the space for others to speak their truth. Inside the double sharing of truth a double win can ALWAYS be created.

Having come through this experience better I am ready for what this day holds. I am heading on an adventure with the man I love, to a place I have never been before and have always wanted to go!!!! We are heading to the beautiful Whistler for the day and night, for some mega lovin, reconnection and creating of more double wins 😉

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Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

How to Shake off Shady Vibes Radical Self Love Styles. Day #17 365 RSL Project.

10 Ways to Shake off Shady Vibes Radical Self Love Stylezzz (in no particular order) 😉

Beauty-of-nature-random-4884759-1280-8001. Get outside– Fresh air, the beauty of nature and people/puppy watching always helps raise my vibes. Every time Im experiencing contrast and remove myself from the trigger environment by heading outside I almost feel instantly better. Nature is a miracle healer– must be all the fairies 😉

 

images-52. Slow down your breathing and do it deeper– When I experience emotional triggering or physical tension in my body my breath shortens. This signals my brain to activate my fight or flight response, to prepare for a percieved attack. This activation in the brain releases cortisol (stress hormone). When there is an over activation of cortisol things like anxiety, chronic stress, decrased thyroid function, weakening of the immune system and general dis-ease in the body appear. To return the body and brain to relaxed states rock the deep and slow breathing. It is one of the quickest ways to consciously signal to the brain there is no real threat on your life. Fact.

images-63. Have an orgasm– Orgasms release all kinds of sticky tension, yucky energy and feel good hormones. I recommend rockin this one in a super responsible way. Random sex with strangers is not going to make anyone feel better, so if you are with a kick ass partner make a request for some saucy time, if your rocking the single vibe invest some time and energy into rockin the solo fun train. 😉

images-44. Meditate- Much like the deep slow breathing tool, meditation serves to slow the breath, the body and the mind. Guided meditations are awesome if sitting in silence is challenging. Some of my favorite meditations are sound healing tracks which activate certain chakra centers in the body, helping me relax and come back into a state of inner balance. Mediation also serves as a great opportunity for me to connect with my guides, ask for help and assistance and allow the answers to float into my awareness. I love this time between me and the universe and when I’m feeling out of sorts a solid 20 minute meditation truly helps to bring back my positive state of being.

images-75. Gratitude journal- This one can be challenging depending on the degree of contrast I’m experiencing. However, the times when I really resist writing and acknowledging what I’m thankful for are the times I need it the most. The law of attraction ensures we get more of what we focus on. The act of gratitude illustrates to the universe I am aware of the abundant blessings in my life and is an unspoken request to send more things to be grateful for. How great is that?!

 

 

images-86. Move your body- Physical movement and exercise are wonderful clearing techniques. Working out automatically shifts my internal state and my point of focus. When my body and mind are focused on running there is no space to dwell on whatever was triggering me. Because exercise releases endorphines and other feel good brain chemicals into the body and also releases any stagnent or stored up energy blocks I may have going on, after a workout I’m left feeling lighter, happier and emotionally free.

imgres-17. Scream- Sometimes this can be the best release ever. When I’m super pissed I find screaming is one of the best ways to release the pent up energy in my body. Sometimes I scream into a pillow, do some lions breath (yoga breath work) or throw a mini tantrum. *NOTE* This is something I occasionally choose to do, and when I do it I’m responsible about it by not directing this energy at anyone or anything. I scream when I have the space and freedom to do so where it won’t negatively impact any one else. Honestly after I have my lil tantrum I will often be humoured by my ridiculousness which is a sign the energy has been released and I’m movin on up the energy ladder.

images-108. Do something creative-  Painting, writing music, singing, listening to music, cooking. Anything that gets my creative vibes flowing is a super sonic vibe raiser. Plus I usually have something wonderful to show for it when I’m done, either a new painting, a new song or a beautiful meal. Being creative is such a productive state changer. For real.

 

images-119. Laugh- Laughter is one of the best medicines. In order to laugh I must be present, to be present I must let go of whatever I’m triggered about. I find little humans particularly funny and enjoy how they have zero filter. I find their self expression so humorous and it immediately gets me giggling.

 

QLKxo10. Read over your high vibe reminder list- Let’s get real here, breakdowns happen, shit sometimes hits the fan and for me denying the contrast of life is pure absurdity. I’m really honest with myself with this one. I know contrast exists so I can learn, grow and expand. I also have some solid go to coping mechanisms. One of these is a high vibe list. It’s simple, when I’m in a state of high vibing possibility I create lists of all the things that make me happy and raise my vibes and then I read them when I’m feeling out of sorts to remind myself of the goodness all around.

The top 5:

1. Cats– pictures, in person, cartoons anything cat related always makes me smile.

2. Little humans– they are so entertaining, funny and wise.

3. Puppies– I love snuggling the neighbourhood puppies and luckily I live in a place where puppies are abundant.

4. Funny movies– laughing, silliness and art. Pure perfection.

5. Glitter, Unicorns and Rainbows. Enough said 😉

Radical Self Love to the Max!

Share with us how you shake of the shady vibes and rock out your Radical Self Love expression! Sharing is caring 😉

❤ Kels