***This post originated on my personal site a few weeks ago, since hitting some technical malfunctions I’m re-posting these holiday blogs here for continued accessibility over the holidays while we get everything back up and running on our main site***
It’s official, the holiday vibes have kicked into high gear and life is starting to move at a super fast rate. The busyness of the season can get the best of us feeling a little stretched, tired and overwhelmed.
The high intensity of the season, if paired with not filling up our self-love and self-care tanks can spell disaster for our close relationships.
It doesn’t matter if you are single or attached during the holidays- close relationships get sticky if we begin running on default and forget to bring mindfulness and heart awareness front and centre.
Three Part Holiday Blog Series
Over the next three weeks, I’ll be rocking a 3 part holiday blog series for you lovers! In this series, I’ll share the top 3 relationship challenges/naughty relationships habits many people face during the holiday season. Each week will focus a different naughty holiday relationship habit and simple tips you can use to dissolve the habit to set yourself up for a truly happy holiday season by bringing balance and harmony to your most important relationships.
I also get that not everyone is in a relationship over the holidays so I have designed each post to apply to those rocking the single-self-love vibe and for those rocking the relationship self-love vibe. Either way with a little insight, a few small adjustments and a whole lot of love you can set yourself up to have the best holiday season yet!!
Naughty Relationship Habit #1:
Setting Unclear Expectations and Agreements Around Money
There is no coincidence that one of the top issues couples fight about is money and that one of the main areas of relationship upset and breakdown over the holidays is also centred around money.
Money itself isn’t the issue. Our beliefs, perceptions and habits around money are the cause of the upsets and breakdowns.
Everyone has their own unique blueprint when it comes to money, prosperity and abundance. We were all brought up to learn and understand different things about money and so money has a unique meaning to each individual on this planet. No two people have the exact same upbringing or experience and so no two people have the same beliefs and practices around money.
Yet when we are in a relationship we tend to default to this absurd belief that our partners have the same context and lens for life as we do. This is where the tension arises. We unknowingly assume our partners share the same ideas and understandings and then we are shocked and disheartened when the truth is revealed and we see that they have their own made up ideas about life.
Why this matters when it comes to love, money and the holidays:
Money has this magical ability to trigger A-LOT of our inner shit. It brightly illuminates the depths of our internal dialogue which inevitably lead us to greater understandings of our true levels of self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love.
If we leave these triggers unattended they can reek havoc on our relationships. If you have ever “taken something out on your partner” that wasn’t about them- you can be certain that your behaviour towards them was rooted in an active trigger point within you that is calling to be healed with some loving attention.
During the holidays, money acts as this trigger point for many people and if you are coupled up likely the fight about money will show its face at some point in some way in your relationship. Due to the largely commercialised energies around the holidays, many of us feel some degree of an imposed “pressure” to literally buy into the season- often at the expense of honouring our truth.
What do I mean by this?
I have seen many people buy things over the holidays from the unconscious belief that: “buying lots of things makes me look good and if I look good I will be loved and accepted.”
This belief about money and the holidays leads people to overspend in attempts to gain love, appreciation and connection from those they hold in high regard.
Don’t get me wrong, it feels freaking amazing to give and buying things for the holidays is not the problem. It’s the pattern of overspending beyond what is responsible for where you are and what you can honestly afford– that is the core issue.
First things first, when you overspend you send your body into a state of chaos and stress. It triggers the habitual pattern of worry, fear, lack and limitation which takes us out of the present moment and robs us of building and creating authentic connections. When you are not present your relationships have no room to thrive. It is only in your authentic presence that hearts can open and magic begins to unfold.
Secondly, when you give from a place of “wanting people to like you” you extend the energy of conditional giving. On many levels, you are giving with the expectation of receiving a certain result. That energetic imprint is embedded into whatever gift you are giving and it repels the actual response you were hoping for.
Thirdly, overspending can place pressure on your relationship if you and your partner share very different perspectives about money. The same is true in the family unit, if you love to spend loads of money, but your siblings don’t or can’t, it will likely cause a few egoic blowouts when those unresolved triggers are activated.
Why Having Clear Expectations About Money Does Wonders For Your Holiday Love Life
1. When you get clear with your partner about your budget, what you truly feel comfortable spending and come up with an agreement of how much you will spend on gifts for each other, family and friends- you begin to build up your relationship team muscles. It feels good to have rapport and alignment with your partner and having this type of intimate agreement with your partner is a great way to get into delicious holiday relationship alignment.
2. When you make these agreements your mind eases and all the worry, anxiety and chaos begins to melt away. You know where you stand with each other and you know you are united front. This is a powerful place for any couple to be.
3. If you are single this agreement about holiday budgets still applies. The stress around money exists within the family unit and with friends too. If you do a gift exchange be clear on what the budget or gift cap is. When you open this dialogue about gift caps from an honest and transparent place you will likely find that you are not the only one with concerns of money and overspending during the holidays.
4. It frees you up to be yourself. All of the weird and disempowering beliefs we have about money, come to the surface to be cleared, when we start to get real with ourselves and the people around us. When you are honest about what is truly there for you, you begin the process of setting yourself free and charting a new course of possibility. We are tethered to the beliefs we are too afraid to confront and will be run by them until we take our power back and begin consciously creating new context and meaning to our dominant belief systems.
1. Do some soul searching and internal navigation to get clear on what money means to you and give yourself permission to be honest with yourself about how you feel about money over the holidays. What kinds of beliefs, emotions and experiences does the concept of money bring up for you?
2. Once you are clear what is actually there for you, select how you wish to feel about money, especially over this holiday season. You can either allow it to weigh you down or you can begin building up a new holiday happy habit by shifting the meaning around money that you hold. Give it a positive meaning, give it positive context, assign a meaning that leaves you feeling inspired, expanded and energetically generous.
3. Have the holiday money talk with your partner, family and friends. Set a holiday budget that feels good to you. When it comes to gift exchanges, open a dialogue with all involved and choose a gift cap amount that everyone is comfortable with. Be sure to share authentically, from your heart, as to why you want to get clear and come into agreement and alignment with everyone around the holiday budget and watch the magic unfold.
4. Level up the love- in addition to your purchased gifts, challenge each other to give one gift that can’t be purchased with money. This is a wonderful practice to get the creativity flowing and the appreciation and love present.
Stay tuned for the second naughty relationship habit coming at you tomorrow!
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And, as always I love hearing your feedback so feel free to leave your thoughts, comments or breakthroughs in the comments below!
So much love and holiday amazingness to you lovers!! xoxo