I have a very exciting announcement lovers!! For the next six weeks leading up to the release of the ebook I am going to write two related articles to chapters in the book every week.
The first one: how to release disempowering dating and Relationship habits
When we become aware of the less than favourable antics of our ego inside relationships we can begin the journey to more conscious love and partnership. Single? This means more success, harmony and higher calibre dateable options. Attached? This means more success, harmony and authentic intimate connection with your partner.
When we practice detached awareness we can begin to see the crap our ego pulls in dating and relationship land. From there we jump start the process of acceptance. It is from that new juicy space of awareness and acceptance where we can actually begin to shift these patterns.
A common circumstance I find a lot of women I work with is going after or ending up in relationships with men who are in some way shape or form unavailable. Today I’ll be diving in to foundation for healing and releasing this not so optimal habit in love.
What to get first
Examine how available you actually are. If you are attracting men who MIRROR unavailability to you it is a massive hint to look within yourself to the ways in which you withhold aspects of your emotional, mental and spiritual availability. What most people likely find in this initial exploration-if they are truly honest-is they are not as available as they initially thought they were. Are you honestly open with your heart? Do you give freely without the expectation of anything in return? If either of these answers are no there is some inner work to be done.
Until we learn to hold our fullness and allow another person into the totality of who we are we will keep picking up partners who reflect unavailability. These relationships often lead to an experience of upset and emotional pain and each time we repeat the pattern the pain gets more intense. This is completely by design from our higher selves in hopes that inside of the painful experience we will be pushed enough to make a change and instead of thinking its all “out there” (blaming the partners you selected) that it’s actually all “in here” inside of you. These painful experiences are wake up calls designed to lead us towards our potential, expansion and our alignment with who we truly are. The only common denominator in all of your past relationships is YOU.
Next step is increasing your standards
You are the one responsible for choosing the people you date and the criteria or standards they must meet before you enter into a dynamic with them. If you want to be with someone who is committed you have to learn to ask the tough questions. Questions like: “I am interested in a committed monogamous relationship- what is it that you are looking for?” Direct. To the point.
Ask it right away, at the very beginning, it doesn’t make a lot of sense to dive into a relationship where two people want two different things. Love is not the business of conversion. If someone doesn’t want the same things you do they arent the right person for you. Plain and simple. If you ignore this and go after someone anyway who has clearly expressed they are interested in something different than you are and you go forward anyways with the idea of ‘oh but once we hang out enough, or do this, or do that, they will see how amazing I am and then change their mind”, you set yourself up to repeat those painful patterns.
To ignore the truth of another because it doesn’t match your wants is setting yourself up for some major heartache down the road and it honestly is disrespectful toward the other person. Manipulating anyone regardless of how subtle or unconscious it is, is still manipulation and it never feels good or ends well. When you try to convert someone to want something they have said they don’t want is emotional manipulation. Tough to hear, but necessary.
Shift your perspective
It requires courage and gumption to be upfront ask these tough questions and risk “rejection”. However, if you ask the tough questions first you find out immediately if people are a match to what you are desiring and if you are a match to what they are desiring. All parties must be on the same page for things to move in a conscious and harmonious direction.
If you ask and find out that you want different things that is actually awesome. Your time is precious and why invest it with someone who just won’t celebrate and welcome in your gorgeousness?
Just because someone wants something different than you do doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough or that there is anything wrong with you. You are perfect whole and complete and so is the other person. It’s only a matter of wanting different things and being spiritually and emotionally mature enough to trust that if you aren’t a perfect match someone who IS is on their way to you.
When you are clear right away you find yourself at a spiritual lesson crossroads. Lets say the person doesn’t want what you do you, you now have an opportunity to really anchor in your “order” to the Universe.
If you default to the old behaviour programming of lying about what you want, changing your story, compromising what you actually want (“oh I don’t actually need that type of relationship right now I just want it some day- ya a casual thing is totally fine with me”) then you loop back into your past pattern and will play out the same story and it’s your heart that will most likely end up bruised- but your ego will be thrilled with this choice and path of action.
If you embrace the opportunity to build a new behaviour based on your higher awareness and what you honestly want deep in your heart you anchor in a very very very clear and direct order to the Universe that you mean business. You actually want what you say you do because you are willing to act in alignment. Acting in alignment means saying NO to anything and everything that isn’t a match with what you are wanting at the core. What you are looking for can only make its way to you if you are constantly giving off very clear messages. Mixed messages = scattered and often unfavourable results.
Saying no opens the space for the right people to say yes.
When you stop choosing the same type of people your outcome will be very different. Energetically when you align your behaviour with your intention, that is how your intended outcome or manifestation can make its way to you.
Your clarity directs the delivery of your desires.
Get clear about what you want then act in alignment. Don’t settle, every time you compromise what you truly want because you don’t believe you can actually have everything your heart desires you send out wonky vibes to the Universe and fuck with the flow of your desire. What you ask for can only make its way to you when you are clear and deliberate about what you seek.
Get clear and act accordingly 😉
Stay tuned for the second relationship, dating and self love post later this week! xo
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!