Over the past few days I have been working through some pretty intense emotional stuff. Stuff from my past which is now coming up for review. While it’s challenging, emotional and intense I am grateful it is now coming to the surface to be cleared.
There is so much weight we carry when we hold onto the past. My perspectives are we deal with things when we are equipped to do so. Meaning where I am in my journey now, I have way more tools than I did 13 years ago and I am able to effectively feel into the the things I’ve suppressed and finally let them go.
I know there will be a time, once I have moved through a majority of it that I will share openly about what it is I am allowing to be let go of, in service to others dealing with similar experiences. And for now I will honour my healing and my process.
I am in no way a victim, I am however very clear that I made the best choices with what I had, and some of those choices I made deeply hurt me. I allowed certain types of relationships to go on far longer than in my heart I knew I should and allowed behaviour which I now know is totally unacceptable. For this and all that happened I am learning to forgive myself- forgive myself for not knowing better, for not knowing what I know now.
Ultimately I understand that all things happen as they are meant to, and all things I experience I am supposed to for my higher good, even if it doesn’t appear that way right away.
Part of my journey now is the nitty gritty stuff, coming to clear terms with my anger and pain I have long suppressed and finally giving myself permission to let it out (as constructively as I can) and let it go.
I am totally aware that all of this is coming up at this point in my life so I can free myself from the burden and weight of carrying around memories of pain. Moment by moment I am choosing to trade my pain for peace and my anger for love.
I am beyond grateful for my incredibly supportive partner, he was the opening for all of this to emerge. He is the angel who has come to me to help me heal, he is a beautiful example of strength and love. It is such an trippy feeling to have the intensity of my past juxtaposed with the intense beauty of feeling totally acceptance and unconditional love from a partner. At times it’s overwhelming in the most incredible way.
He is my sacred warrior
The man who is teaching me to crack open the shell around my heart, to go deeper, to love more fully. To love fully means to embrace the density of our being. To acknowledge and accept the shadow and the light and learn to love it all. To accept the fullness of our humanity and shine the light of compassion where there once was none. He is leading me into this exploration in such a safe and gentle way. It is truly beautiful.
He sees me, all of me and through his reflection I see myself, all of myself and I am learning moment by moment to love it all.
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!