An Experiment in Healing- Day 134: 365 Radical Self Love Project

A few days ago I was hit with a pretty intense back injury.

radical self love kelsey grantWithin a matter of a few hours a little tweak in my back turned into not being able to walk and barely being able to move. I am of the belief that everything happens for a reason and inside of this pretty intense moment in time I really wanted to understand the underlying cause and heal it.

What a lower back injury often represents:

radical self love kelsey grantThe underlying emotional cause for this area in the body is a fear of money and a belief of not being supported by life. The pain originated on my left side which is the side of the feminine which rules our ability to receive and being flexible and it occurred in spasm like spurts which indicate a tightening of the thoughts through fear.

What I interpreted this experience to mean:

I’ve been holding onto deep seated beliefs of lack and limitation and they are rooted deep in my cell tissue. This is blocking my ability to accept and receive not only financial abundance but energetic and emotional abundance. My disempowering thoughts of fear, not being supported and not trusting others showed up in a physical manifestation of not being able to support myself.

An experiment in healing

What this made available to me:

This entire experience firstly left me with the opportunity to finally surrender into the support of the Universe, the support of my body and the support of those around me. Being almost completely immobile meant I couldn’t do everything myself (which I am very good at doing), that I had to ask for help and that I had to open to receiving the love, help and support from the people around me.

It gave me time to actually do the work to heal my unconscious patterns. Being immobile meant over the past few days things so simple as writing a blog post, posting on our page, or even daily activities such as making food or getting to the washroom took considerably much longer than normal. This firstly had me realize how “fast” I usually go through life and there is so much amazingness available when I slow down, do all things with intense intention and how being in an experience of this magnitude had me train myself how to be completely present while doing anything.

radical self love kelsey grant

Secondly it gave me the space and time to actually do the work. Being busy and having a full schedule is a wonderful thing and it also is somewhat of a distraction. When I am so busy I have had a pattern of forfeiting time for me to look at myself, my patterns and do the work to heal them out.

If it weren’t for these past few days I wouldn’t have come to the realization right now that I really was still holding onto a lot of fear based thoughts in my body. Coming to this realization I was able to do the “work” to move those energies out of my body and out of my energy.

radical self love kelsey grantLast night was incredibly humbling. My partner had to help me get dressed, feed myself and get in and out of the bath. Inside of this experience I got to see love in action. I became very present to the deep love he has for me and that knowingness helped bring the love back into my consciousness. Right before sleep I had a major muscle spasm. He guided me through a relaxation and positive affirmation meditation and helped me relax into the now, release even more and surrender into the moment.

radical self love kelsey grantThis morning I was considerably more mobile compared to when I went to sleep. Before getting up I honoured this process by invoking a healing with my angels. I did an energetic healing visualization which allowed the stagnant, dark and fear based consciousness I had been holding to release from my body. I visualized the dark energies being “vacuumed” from my body and even then I still felt a sludgy heaviness in my lower back. I then visualized a tap at the base of my spine and opened it to allow the tar like energies to drain out. I envisioned a ball of while light scrubbing and rinsing out my cells and my back. While doing so I kept affirming “I release the beliefs and consciousness which created this and I release it with love”. I believe this entire process took about 45 mins.

Following making breakfast I listened to my intuition to do a crystal oracle card reading. The final card in the reading was forgiveness. Which I knew meant forgiveness was the access point to freeing myself from this physical prison I had created through my toxic thoughts and beliefs. I pulled up everyone I could recall whom I perceived had hurt me somehow or anyone I could recall whom I had harboured resentment or anger towards. One by one I called out their name and repeated “I release you from playing this role for me. Go in peace” then I visualized our energetic chords being cut.

This  was the turning point. Following completion of these healings my back began to gain mobility to the point where I was able to stand up almost completely unassisted and was able to shower and get ready on my own.

radical self love kelsey grantThis was a pretty intense lesson to have learned and I am so grateful for this experience. If it hadn’t happened like this I most likely would have never found the time to do the work on this level. There is such perfection in everything. If we choose to see it.

Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!

Kels

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