Why do humans seek external validation when it comes to love?
This pattern stems from an unconscious belief in separation. Since coming into this world humans are bombarded with messages of separation. There are many levels and ways in which this appears. We see it in celebrity culture, the structures of wealth, division of work, religion, class and even race. Passive or unconscious agreement with this belief lies at the source of the development of a dysfunctional collective consciousness within human beings.
It boils down to the simple perspective that there is a “right” way and a “wrong” way, and certain people, places, things are “better” or “worse” than others. Our entire global culture is based on this system of judging and categorizing people, situations and circumstances. To judge is to cut off the life force (love energy) that connects us all. The illusion of separation keeps the truth of our being-ness away from our conscious awareness. It is in this space of separation where we become easily changeable and malleable. If we are always seeking approval or validation there is a high probability we will “buy” into the disempowering and dysfunctional systems of our culture in order that we will be recognized as special and important. To do so gives up our power as conscious creators of our lives.
But…I’m special…I’m different.
The belief that you are “special” in the sense that you are “different” aka better or worse than anyone or anything else is one of the biggest feeders and breeders of the ego. The ego thrives on separation by creating stories and dialogue about others which are always based in fear. One of the major function’s of the ego is to keep you in the dark about your true potential, your power and your ability to live fully lit up and blissed out. Thinking we are special or different than others in this sense creates separation. When we do this we are saying we are better and the other person is worse. No good can come from behaving this way. All it does is activate deeper and more nasty functions of the ego. The human ego is a multifaceted function and defining yourself as “special” aka better, is a major access point the ego uses to gain “control” over your experience.
Here is what I have come to know. Every single human is capable of greatness, holds great value and worth in this world. Whether people choose to explore their greatness is entirely up to them. This is our free will. We will either be unconsciously controlled by outside conditions or we will take conscious control of our lives and direct the flow of our human experience.
Take your Power back.
The quickest way to give up your power is by placing it in the hands of someone or something else. Humans are emotional creatures and everyone has this inner dynamic of light and dark going on inside. There for to rely on someone or something else outside of you ensures you will be repeatedly disappointed simply because human beings are not consistent. We are fluid, ever changing and greatly driven by our fickle emotions. The only one who you can rely on to be consistent is you. You have the capability to consistently show up for life and show up in a loving way towards yourself.
How does this apply to love?
Well my dears how we do anything is how we do everything. If we look for validation in other areas of our lives we are going to look for that within our relationships. There are many layers of the ego’s function and the associated behavioural patterns. One major layers is this: To always be seeking external validation from our partners puts extreme pressure on the other person as they are now related to as our saviour- someone who will save us from the perceived lack in our lives. While this imbalance can be upheld for a while ultimately it leads to the breakdown and breakup of a relationship.
Self love is the foundation of all successful relationships. There is no one else in this world who can fill your void of self love. You are the only person who can fill your self love tank. To experience the bliss of healthy partnerships two whole, complete full beings must show up. If we rely on the other person to fill us up it is only a temporary fix to the deeper issue- we have to learn to love ourselves first before we are truly capable of receiving the love of another.
The first access point to shifting this pattern is to begin to notice where in our lives we make others “special” and which areas of life we make ourselves “special”. Doing so will begin to crack open shell of the ego and activate the authentic power of our hearts. For the next few days take notice of where you make yourself better or worse to something or someone outside of yourself. Doing this reflection will come in handy for part 2 😉
Stay tuned for the second part of this article coming at ya on Saturday!!! (We have our first Feature Friday tomorrow).
Radical Self Love to the MAX!!!